Brownies for Dinner?

Sometimes I like to imagine a world in which I didn't have to worry about calories. I mean, come on, I have been worrying about weight for the majority of my life. I see some people at work contemplating in front of the vending machine and I think what it must be like to just pick something, no second thoughts.

Of course judging from my waistline you wouldn't probably think that I spend so much time thinking about what I eat, but I do. If I am in public and order a healthy salad I think are ppl thinking who is she kidding? If I decide on burger and fries I think are ppl thinking she doesn't need that! What the F**k is wrong with them that they have to judge me? Ok Candace step away from the brownie and nobody needs to get hurt.

I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly.

In my weight watcher meeting yesterday the discussion topic was "making time for yourself". We had to write down how much time in a day did we need to focus on our weight loss and how much time we actually had.

So many of the women in my meetings are older with children, husbands, grandchildren, etc. They are always putting the needs of their families in front of their own. I don't. Honestly, I used to be that way in the past and it got me nowhere.

Don't get me wrong, its just me, my fiance and my cat here and I spoil them all the time but I have decided that I have to put myself first. My fiance and I were best friends for years before we started dating and we saw each other though bad relationships, we learned from them and are in an excellent place now.

I don't have trouble saying no to other people's requests when they conflict with me doing what is needed for me to lose weight and I reach out to my fiance for extra help all the time.

Sometimes in my ww meeting I just want to thump some woman in the heads, is that mean? MAKE YOURSELF IMPORTANT PEOPLE. Men cannot read your minds and if you ask them to do the dishes they will, they can be great.

A lady in my meeting is at least 80 and every week wants to be praised for practically starving herself. Her children threw her and her husband a 50th wedding anniversary and she spent 2 weeks talking about how she hated it and was only going to drink water at it. Drove me nuts. Please ppl if I am 80 and still trying to lose weight, just shoot me.

Strike a pose.

This week was of course Canadian Thanksgiving. I hosted for the in-laws which may be some sort of self-destruction since I love my cooking, and have since been surrounded by the leftovers. I actually did pretty good considering. I didn't come close to eating as much as I would have in the past and have been trying to use positive self talk. Instead of being disappointed in myself for eating too much dessert I will focus on the fact that I didn't eat any of the Halloween treats or chips I had put out for my guests. I really think that this has made me really good the rest of the week with my walks and eating. In the past I would get myself so worked up in a negative manner that I would just start continue over-eating until I completly wrecked my entire week. Weight in is tomorrow morning so we'll have to wait and see. I did notice that my double chin is getting smaller and for anyone who knows me this is a major deal for me. My fiance is obsessed with taking pics and a double chin is hard to hide.

Before, during, after~

I figured this is as good a time as any to post my before pic. Over the years I have tried every diet under the sun so needless to say I have many before pics. I figure that if I finally post some pics that it will help me stay motivated to this weight loss journey cause I will want to post after pics. Me and my fiance took these pics while joking around one night and thought it would be really funny if I looked super sad like you see on most before and after pics, haha. This pic was taken when I was 245.6. I am currently 228.8 and hoping to get to 128. I gained the weight when I was in a bad relationship and I was very unhappy. I am really happy now and hoping I can finally make up for lost time. This is me at 228.8~

Quality time for 1

I love my fiance with all my heart, really I do. We work together, live together, pretty much spend every waking moment together. I need a few minutes to breathe. A lot of ppl would love to have my problems, haha. Our car is in the shop and while he usually goes to the gym in the mornings he has been joining me on my walks and it is nice but I think I just got accustomed to that being me time. I'll get over it. I have gotten in so much exercise this week and have been following my points to a t, hopefully it will pay off on the scale. This week has felt so long compared to last week, I am looking forward to the long weekend-I am having thanksgiving for the in-laws here so that will be even more challenging for me with the weight loss as I will be the one with the leftovers. Did I mention turkey is one of my favorite foods? I have lots of favorites.

Forget working for the weekend-I'm working for the work week.

I spend the entire work week looking forward to the weekend so I can relax. And don't get me wrong-I definately do relax but with trying to eat healthy and working nights I have to prep on the weekends. If I am going to get in my walk, my sleep, work, and a little down time during the week it means extra chores on the weekend like bagging veggies, cooking chicken breasts, etc. Eating healthy can be so exhausting. This weekend our car broke down and the dealership can't get in the part til Monday so it was good for me cause I already got in an extra walk towards the week. I didn't even blog about losing 2.2 pds last week. I'm super excited to get those results, it makes all the walks and point tracking worth it. I use my flex points every week but not my activity points, a lot of ppl from my meeting don't use the extra points but I figure I will continue to do so unless as I get closer to goal I hit a plateau but even then I think I would rather up the activity cause I love to eat, haha. I don't know what it is but the more I diet the more I enjoy cooking, something I always enjoyed must be the super awareness of food or something but this weekend I made homemade bread for the first time and choc dipped oat cakes. My fiance is more in love than ever since I now know how to make homemade bread, it really is true the way to a mans heart is through his stomach, haha.

Flabby Fibbers

I just found out at work that I might be able to get a day shift (5-1:30pm). I have been waiting for this for four years-would rather 8-4 but what can you do? The thing is I love my weight watcher leader and her meeting is 8:30 on fridays. I will have to find another meeting I can love just the same.
What I like about Ann (my fearless leader) is that she is so honest about weight loss and her challenges. She has been at goal for the last 12 years but she still struggles with her love of sweets daily. In the past I ended up quitting weight loss programs because I would be sitting in a room with all these other women and the occasional man and we all have weight issues and we'd be discussing portion control or something and a women who is about 100 pounds over weight is like 3 ozs of chicken is so much I couldn't even eat it if I tried. WHAT? I find that hard to believe-I could probably de-bone a chicken in one sitting. What a strange thing to lie about.
Anyways I walked 6 times this week and even up this huge hill that you would have thought was everest by the way I sweat, my weigh in is tomorrow-yay.