Routine, Routine, Routine

Man I don't feel good. I still have the cold-cold sore, on and off earache, and now I have the tom's. This sucks. I have to face the scale at ww tonight-then I have to post it-boo.

I think I realized something about myself yesterday. I remember blogging before about having a certain routine about when I eat. Ex.. liking to always sit down to eat, having a nice plate, etc. While these things can be good in the sense that you realize you are eating and slowing down I do know the pitfall.....

This sort of routine will often delay me from having my snacks and therefore by the time I will get to my snack I end up reaching for more. I never really knew I was so into a routine until yesterday.

I walk home from work and right away I usually do the dishes, pack lunches, get supper ready, have a shower than have a snack, usually by then I am really super duper hungry.

Yesterday I came home and had to call a store, then I set about finding the biggest loser on the web, and got into my email/facebook/blogger. Before I knew it a bit of time had gotten ahead of me and I wondered if I should have my snack before my cleaning but I felt anxious to just have a snack on the go without sitting down-yes I'm a weirdo.

I think over the weekend I'm going to try-both days-to just casually snack on the go. Once I started gaining weight I always felt like I couldn't or maybe didn't want to eat in public. It feels like people will pity me, think I'm weak, etc. I always envy people who are just so casual about eating, and they should be, so should I. Would people really grudge me eating a healthy snack? Why do I make it all such a big deal?

Color me pathetic...

I just finished doing something rather pointless and embarrassing. I facebook stalked a complete stranger. The reason? She has the body I want.

The body I long to have for myself isn't like Kate Moss its more like Kate Winslet. I long to have a beautiful body that is extremely feminine. I would love nothing more than to look and feel good in beautiful skirts, dresses, heels, etc.

The girl I stalked is pretty and has a nice body. I spent a half hour clicking my way through pics of her skiing, dining at restaurants, on vacation, etc just to see the outfits and to day dream.

I've spent plenty of time flipping through magazines or catalogs to day dream to and dare I even say that I've actually read health magazines while binging. What would a shrink say about that I wonder?

Last evening was my first time back to Weight Watchers in almost a month and today I was awesome. I ate within my points and have my supper all figured out. Yah me~

I have to find out what the meeting is like on Thursdays cause the more I think about this one the more anxiety I feel. I miss my Friday meeting where the members were honest about finding it hard to not eat too much or exercise. I don't like meetings where everyone pretends they can hardly eat.

I decided now I would post a pic from my high school years when I though I was so fat. Man if only I could go back and slap myself.

Thats me in the front with my super fly shirt and my worry doll necklace on. A real pig hey? haha. Those two girls on either side of me are still two of my closest friends Lori & Fern.