Routine, Routine, Routine

Man I don't feel good. I still have the cold-cold sore, on and off earache, and now I have the tom's. This sucks. I have to face the scale at ww tonight-then I have to post it-boo.

I think I realized something about myself yesterday. I remember blogging before about having a certain routine about when I eat. Ex.. liking to always sit down to eat, having a nice plate, etc. While these things can be good in the sense that you realize you are eating and slowing down I do know the pitfall.....

This sort of routine will often delay me from having my snacks and therefore by the time I will get to my snack I end up reaching for more. I never really knew I was so into a routine until yesterday.

I walk home from work and right away I usually do the dishes, pack lunches, get supper ready, have a shower than have a snack, usually by then I am really super duper hungry.

Yesterday I came home and had to call a store, then I set about finding the biggest loser on the web, and got into my email/facebook/blogger. Before I knew it a bit of time had gotten ahead of me and I wondered if I should have my snack before my cleaning but I felt anxious to just have a snack on the go without sitting down-yes I'm a weirdo.

I think over the weekend I'm going to try-both days-to just casually snack on the go. Once I started gaining weight I always felt like I couldn't or maybe didn't want to eat in public. It feels like people will pity me, think I'm weak, etc. I always envy people who are just so casual about eating, and they should be, so should I. Would people really grudge me eating a healthy snack? Why do I make it all such a big deal?

Pessimistic~

Yesterday I was feeling so blue I contemplated giving it all up. The dieting, the blogging, everything. When I am sick I can get pretty pessimistic. Of course I'm pretty much the opposite when healthy but what can you do.

I think it all started when I weighed in on Friday. Though I never really spoke my true goal out loud before I kinda had it in my mind that if I lost 1.6pds per week I could make it to my goal in a year. My brain knows this might not happen and that I shouldn't give up if it doesn't but try telling that to my heart.

I have spoken before about my having a defeatist attitude if things don't go perfectly as planned and how I'm trying to shake that. I liken myself to an clock and every so often the power goes out and you need to reset your clock.

Then I started feeling under the weather and thought "Why am I working so hard for something that won't happen?" I don't know why I get like this and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever truly be cured from this negativeness every so often.

The only real thing I know is that I just got back from my morning walk and I'm not giving up. Not yet, and hopefully not ever.

The last thing I want to do is start over with even more weight on in a couple of months, and from my track record that is exactly what would happen. Even if I don't lose 1.6 per week and if in a years time I'm only down 5, 10 , 15 pds at least it will be down.

Good Week~

I weighed in today and lost another 1.2pds. I'll take it-haha. I like our meeting so much. Lots of helpful tips. While I was waiting for the meeting to start I looked through my book again to read the points value for various foods and its really important cause sometimes I make assumptions.

I seem to be surrounding myself with weight loss from the various blogs I read, my meeting, ww online, pod casts and its really helping. Building this little community around me is keeping me motivated. I told Cole that blogging might be the ticket that keeps me going this time.

Ann will always put a quote up on the board and this weeks was "You should fit your weight loss program into your life-not fit your life into your weight loss program" That is so true.

When I was in LA Weight Loss-I truly felt deprived and like I couldn't go anywhere or eat anything besides the things I had figured out already. They weighted me 3 times a week and we had to go over my journal-it was tedious.

I like Weight Watchers because I can eat anything as long as I track the points for it. This helps me make good decisions but I can still eat what I crave.

Sorry-don't want to sound like a commercial-haha. I'm going into work tonight for some overtime. Boo. I so love my downtime but tonight won't be so bad cause I can wear my jeans and I love my job~

Hope everyone had a good week. Hope to post tomorrow~

Perfect isn't always the answer

Getting back into the groove after vacation is proving to be very hard for me. I don't really know why but I think it must be that I'm a self destructive person.

I knew I was going to gain weight while on vacation and I told myself-Its not the end of the world, its unrealistic to think you won't (from past experiences), you can knock the weight off quickly the next few weeks, etc. But then here I am disappointed in myself and feeling really tired of dieting.

Thank god for this blog and the other blogs I read cause I really think that is the only thing keeping me somewhat motivated to drink my water, eat well today and go for my walk tomorrow, that and my ww leader Ann who is awesome.

I have to get myself off this self-destructiveness where I feel I have to maintain a perfect journey or give up altogether. Obviously being 117 pds overweight at the start of my journey proves that I'm not perfect so I should know this by now.

Its really strange considering I'm the one telling friends how good they do and to not let a little set back slow them down, I just have to learn to be that friend for myself.

Vacation

I am officially on vacation. Guess what? I'm not feeling too hot. Leave it to me to get sick on vacation. Anyone who knows me knows that I love being off work. I love my job but you know whats even better, doing nothing.

I love everything about not having to work. Wearing pj's and fuzzy socks all the time, not having to prep lunches, napping whenever and wherever, doing any of the many hobbies I enjoy, reading, blogging, crafts and not to sound too old-jigsaw puzzles, haha.

I have had a headache for about 20 hours and counting and can't shake it. I guess its from trying to switch from a night schedule to day for vacation, it is totally bumming me out. I was a real trooper today and went for my walk and over to Cole's sister place to help her move into her new apt, but he just went back over and I am staying home. I have to try and shake whatever this is before we go to New Hampshire in a couple of days for a couple of days.

I'm looking forward to buying some WW food that I can't get here and hopefully finding some of the food items I see on Jen's blog-priorfatgirl check her out she is just awesome.