Good Intentions-Nearest Window.

Friday night I was hoping to do the usual overtime but it wasn't offered. This proved crappy for me. You see, Cole had already committed his self to watching his brother and had to sleep out there overnight.

I was already under the weather from womanly issues and then I was left to my own devices. Being alone for me can be a problem.

I didn't eat bad Friday night. I had a nice bath, got more things prepped for Adam's party, and really enjoyed my time alone. Too much. I couldn't sleep. I finally got to sleep around 4:30 and and woke up @ 7am-blurgggg.

I was feeling anxious cause I had so many loose ends to attend to for the party so I got up and started running errands. I got everything I needed, got some Subway and headed home.

I ate my Subway, finished my baking, tidied up a bit, and got the biggest headache I've had in years. I think I had waited too long to eat and with so little sleep it was a deadly combo.

Luckily for me Cole was on his way home and I could grab a nap. I slept longer than I meant too but I so needed it. So long, in fact, that I skipped supper. So at the party I had a few sandwich triangles and way more sweets than I should have. Only a little veggies.

Now I am finding it hard to get re-motivated for the week as I am having major cramps and I am craving sugar. I just finished a peanut butter ball.

I have to use this as a major lesson. I am not a person who can go without sleep or miss meals. This always leads to headaches and I know this. I have to force myself to take the time out for me. I don't want to end up feeling crappy during my only time this year with my family.

Tomorrow I'm going to kill it on the treadmill and today I'm weaning myself off of sugar. It really is amazing how fast you can get hooked again.

Half the girl I used to be~

I was reading a great blog yesterday low fat kat and something she said really got me thinking. She said that since she has gained her weight that people say she lost her spark.

I can so identify with that. How is it possible that I am double the size but half the person I used to be? Thinking back to my teen years, when I was at a healthy weight, and comparing that girl to the person I am now is incredible. Not only is there the very obvious physical difference with the weight gain but my personality is so different.

People grow up, people change but how does a person who was once the life of the party become the person least likely to attend a party? When I think of all the things I allowed myself to miss out on because of my weight I get so angry at myself.

Even now with Christmas coming up and various Christmas parties on the horizon my first instinct is to decline. Cole's work group is having a party and while last year I declined-this year I am forcing myself to attend. Its not fair to him and its also not fair to me.

I have tons of people from high school on my facebook and I'm wondering if they are going to have a 15 year reunion next year (yes I am that old) It's my hope that by then I will have most of my weight off and start having some resemblance of the girl I used to be, not only on the outside but on the inside as well.