I'm feeling Bitter!

I rarely post twice in one day but I feel like I have so many separate thoughts in my head. On January 5th I start my day shift.

I'm really nervous. Maybe I'm resistant to change but I've worked nights for over 4 years now with Cole. Whenever we tell anyone that I got days and he is still on nights they act like we are planning a funeral.

I guess I'm feeling really anxious about meeting new people, with a company our size close friendships rarely happen at the workplace. I'm used to not having to deal with anyone-I put on my ipod and away I go but with this shift change I will have to make some phone calls.

I'm also thinking about how unhappy I am to be away from my family all the time. I should be grateful that I got to see everyone at Christmas but it was way too short and I'm resentful to my job for not letting us have time off and genuinely just have a depressed feeling about the whole situation.

We actually have to work tonight to make up for the shift change we were given and it just doesn't make sense. There is a woman who sits next to me and she gets a doctors note at least once a week and twice this week to get off work, but someone with perfect attendance can't get an extra day off to leave the Country, hello my name is bitter. haha.

Anyways I figure now I will post a few pics of Christmas to cheer me up.

My amazing sister-in-law Mary with my nephew Ben

Here I am with BenThis nerd is my brother DarrenHere is Cole with BenHere is Me & Gabby DoodlingHere I am with Mom shopping at the outlet stores. I wish I would have gotten some pics of me & Mary or me & Darren-I don't know why I never think about it at the time-strange.

Treadmills and nagging~

I was reading a great blog last night What a slurge and she discussed not letting her co-workers know she was dieting.

I have such strong opinions on this topic I decided to discuss it right here. Since I have been dieting for over half my life I have tried every approach known to woman.

The secret diet, telling everyone, telling a few, etc. I haven't really struck a good balance when it comes to this. I seem to always tell a person I always wish I hadn't.

In the present tense it is a co-worker. I had a momentary lapse in judgement a while ago when she told me she struggled with dieting and told her I joined Weight Watchers.

I didn't tell her this for any particular reason I think I felt she needed to know that someone else was in the same boat. Ever since it feels like she is really struggling with dieting and she is constantly telling me about going to the gym, what she eats, etc.

I don't want to seem uncaring or cold hearted, and I certainly don't want anyone to think I judge them for what they eat-I am the last one who could judge believe me, but I also don't want my eating habits brought up on a daily basis. She mentions these things around others and it just makes me uncomfortable.

Not to mention I've lost 25 pds and she says so how much have you lost so far and I'll tell her and she doesn't say yeah I can tell or you look good or anything. If only I could turn back the clock.

In other news-I've given up walking outside. I have trackers but my legs are still too afraid to fall and it took me forever to do my walk yesterday. It really sucks because from mine and Cole's walk on Sunday morning in the snow my legs are still sore so it really makes for a good workout.

I decided to use the treadmill provided in my apartment building. I so depise a treadmill but at least it has a tv in there.

The room is surrounded in mirrors so I can stare at my ass while working out-haha-should help with portion control.

I'm doing a Christmas Gift Card Exchange on the Weight Watcher Website and I've gotten three so far. One had 4 awesome recipes with the points and everything already tallied and in another card I got a string with 1 inch braided and a little saying.

It says : "What does an inch mean? Here are a few lengths of thread-Just one braided inch. It may look quite small but when you find yourself in a pinch consider the inches you've lost (But how gaining them is a cinch!) When the going gets tough look on this thread and know you will get there-inch by inch.

This is so cute and clever-I have mine on my wrist right now and may replace it with a black one-goes with more-haha. I thought it was so neat.

I so love getting mail :)

The Weekend~

This weekend went by in a blur. Working overtime doesn't seem too bad while I'm doing it but it sure doesn't leave for much downtime or rest.

While I was at work on Friday night Cole got a lot of our housework done and decided to try his hand at baking and choose to do Ginger Molasses Cookies. They are really good.

I had plans with my friend Kim for breakfast and a little shopping so I decided to forgo my usual nap after work.

We got a few things done and with my online shopping I think I way ahead of the game. I did some Christmas baking myself since we are having Adam's party next weekend. Still have more to do but here's what I made so far.

Thumbprints, Peanut Butter & Jar Crumble Cookies, and Chocolate Chip Cookies. I'm proud to say that the baked Chocolate Chip Cookies went into the freezer so fast I didn't even get a pic-they are a weakness-not to say I didn't try a couple-lol~

That night Cole and I got an appetizer tray from M&M Meats and enjoyed some Christmas movies with our munchies and had on all the Christmas Decorations. I wish I could do this every single weekend-its the best.

On Sunday morning we headed out for our walk and man it was freezing-lots of snow had fallen during the night.

Here I am in three layers of clothing and my snow trackers on~

This was at 5:30 in the morning and people usually drive by us like were nuts.

Judging from this pic we probably are-this is the point where I'm thinking why did we bring the camera? So cold.
Had to move around to get warm~

Cole managed to warm my heart by making me a heart in the snow :)

During the walk I got so hungry and thirsty.

Cole did too~
This is right before we went to get coffee-so hot-so nice.

25pd award and 10%

Can you say excited? Today I went to my meeting and I lost 2.6pds. I got my 25lbs award and my 10%. You won't be able to wipe this smile off for a week-haha. It feels so good and so deserved, hell I sweat for this loss-no pain-no gain.

My fellow meeting members are so supportive and its going to be hard to change meetings in January, hopefully I'll figure a way to pop in from time to time.

Its so funny but since today I got my 25pd award and 10% all at the same time I was sort of worried that now everyone knows how much I weigh. Isn't that always the way you get something awesome and immediately try to ruin it for yourself.

I don't even care. This is me-I'm owning this, every step of the way. Its crazy that this has seemed like the hardest week for me but having some great bloggers post words of encouragement to me really proved helpful.

When I stepped on the scale and lost 2.6 I immediately felt like the weight came off, my pants felt lighter. Any of you experience that? So funny but so awesome.

I'm going in for overtime tonight so Cole is the house husband for today-packing lunches, making supper and doing the chores so tomorrow we can both enjoy some much needed downtime. We plan on watching some Christmas movies with the tree and lights on. So nice.

Have a great weekend-blogs are scarce on the weekend but I'll be looking forward to reading some :)

Feeling Sluggish~

I skipped my morning walk. I haven't felt good in the last 2 days. Getting healtier has really improved my health so much for the better but the last two days I think I have a bug-just a headache, ear thingy but it stinks-boo.

At work tonight during break I was productive and addressed my Christmas cards. I'm on the ww forums and we are having a card exchange so that is pretty fun.

This weekend we finally found a peanut free gingerbread house as my niece is allergic. I'm hoping to do all kinds of crafty things with her during Christmas.

My eating has been really good but I so hate missing a workout as I know I need it to lose the weight. Hopefully a little extra rest today and tomorrow I'll be back with avengence. Can't stress enough how much I cannot wait to be off nights.

Does anyone else already feel tired from the Holidays? haha-

The Weekend~

This weekend was really short. Working overtime has the benefit of extra cash but unfortunately it doesn't leave time for much. I will be happy I did it though when I'm buying stuff at the outlet stores, haha.

This morning I went for my walk as usual and I'm so thankful we are still having such nice weather. The air is just a little crisp but it is so nice-even though I have trackers I'm still not looking forward to the snow-especially ice-I have such a fear of falling.

When I got up from my nap Cole made us some soup and made me a modified grill cheese-he made it on ww multi grain bread and it was really good.

Then we got busy doing some Christmas decorating. Last year I made goodies but I was so tired today that I didn't bother. We are going to my mom's house this Christmas and my brothers family are meeting us there. Our niece Gabby has a peanut allergy so we will have to modify our treats this time anyways and I haven't had time to figure it out.

So we put on some Christmas tunes and had some hot chocolate. (Caution-this was not low fat) haha.

We found it hard to get a nice pic since I was too lazy to do my hair-haha-luckily he loves me.

We always put on red and gold ornaments, ribbon, star, cranberries and some old ornaments from our childhoods. We get a new ornament for us every year.

Its hard to tell but we have ribbon and lights on tops of the cupboards-looks so pretty lite up that I'll do my dishes with the lights off and these on, really relaxing.
These kind of weekends are my favorite just me and Cole hanging out.

Hauling butt-my butt~

Wow-I can't get over how long this week has been. I'm going to work on Friday to get some overtime pay for Christmas. I'm gonna see how I do and maybe do it the next couple of weeks so I'll have lots of cash for the outlet stores.

I just got back from my morning walk and I'm really proud of myself. I've been pushing myself to go for longer walks and to walk faster. In all my years of dieting I've never pushed myself in an athletic way.

I know that lots of people don't like The Biggest Loser because its dramatic weight loss and sort of unrealistic to regular people but I have to admit I'm addicted. I love watching the transformations and I usually pic someone who was my weight in the beginning and love seeing what they look like smaller.

Watching the show and reading different blogs has got me motivated for the future. Its really making me plan some goals. I'd love to run a 5k, go hiking, etc. These things couldn't have been further from my mind before but now they are starting to seem attainable.

One definite benefit to exercise is that I've never felt better, I'm actually getting up an hour or more before my alarm and I'm actually rested. I'm looking forward to my weigh in tomorrow-hopefully it'll show all the work I did this week.

Half the girl I used to be~

I was reading a great blog yesterday low fat kat and something she said really got me thinking. She said that since she has gained her weight that people say she lost her spark.

I can so identify with that. How is it possible that I am double the size but half the person I used to be? Thinking back to my teen years, when I was at a healthy weight, and comparing that girl to the person I am now is incredible. Not only is there the very obvious physical difference with the weight gain but my personality is so different.

People grow up, people change but how does a person who was once the life of the party become the person least likely to attend a party? When I think of all the things I allowed myself to miss out on because of my weight I get so angry at myself.

Even now with Christmas coming up and various Christmas parties on the horizon my first instinct is to decline. Cole's work group is having a party and while last year I declined-this year I am forcing myself to attend. Its not fair to him and its also not fair to me.

I have tons of people from high school on my facebook and I'm wondering if they are going to have a 15 year reunion next year (yes I am that old) It's my hope that by then I will have most of my weight off and start having some resemblance of the girl I used to be, not only on the outside but on the inside as well.

Thank God for Don't Walk Symbols

It is my third day of vacation and I still haven't shaken my headache. The problem? I think I'm not getting enough water!!! Today I will definately focus on this. I can be so good at getting my water in while I am at work, I have to get more motivated to change my habits when I am on vacation.

Knowing that I would probably be going a bit over my points while on vacation has motivated me to walk a bigger area. Instead of my regular route I have went further down the hill by three roads and therefore when I am looping around I have to walk further up the hill to get home.

It is still chilly out but I definitely don't feel it. You would think it was July with the amount of sweat dripping off me while I am huffing and puffing up the hill. On a definite plus side, when it really is July I will have some more weight off and probably won't look like such a hot mess coming up the hill.

On another plus side-I think my shin splints are gone. I was having them for months and ppl on the weight watcher forums were saying maybe it was my sneakers. I'm hoping for new sneakers for Christmas so I didn't change them yet. But the splints are gone! Is it possible that I was just carrying too much weight on them? I know I am! haha but I wonder if that was the reason for them?