...when you got enemies

Wow-I can't believe how much time I missed blogging-I so need to vent. This was my vacation week and honestly I have never been so stressed. Its a long story so here goes.....

Even before Cole & I got engaged in July we knew we wanted to get married down south. We have several reasons. Our families are from different provinces, we wanted to keep the cost down and we didn't want the worry of entertaining all these people, going to Dominican would solve all those problems because we would be at an all inclusive resort and everyone could entertain themselves.

Anyways Cole's parents went to Mexico last march and were wanting us to get married there we said no cause we wanted to go to a resort that no one at our wedding had ever been too, we wanted everyone to explore it together and have a great time.

A couple of weeks ago we picked the place-it is beautiful and we couldn't wait. We sent the link in an email invitation to 90 people and everyone kept saying how beautiful it was.

Then last week while I was at work Cole called and said his parents called to ask if we would mind if they went to that resort this year. I said yes, of course, I would mind. He told them that he didn't want them to that we wanted everyone to experience it all together next year. Guess what-they booked it anyways. They are there right now.

So the first couple of days of my vacation I spent crying. I've never been so upset. I wrote them a big heartfelt email on Sunday explaining my feelings we didn't get a reply until Thursday and they lied and said they tried to apologize and they listed some things that they have done for us years ago and something about us not visiting them-a bunch of bull to deflect the real issue.

Cole is wholeheartedly upset because he is so embarrassed his own parents would do this to us. We are changing our resort now and our friends and my family keep asking why would they do this to you. The only reason I can even see is that if you go to the same resort two years in a row the second year you go you will be VIP-this is something his mother talks about all the time. You will get free massages, champagne, etc. I'm the bride but she wants to be the most special one there.

Cole's sister is really disappointing us to. The first day I told her what they did she came over and completely agreed with me-she couldn't believe that with us only choosing one resort out of hundreds that they would have to choose ours. Then later we couldn't get a hold of her and when we finally did she said I don't want to get involved. I said sure I understand but then she didn't even call for my birthday or anything. She keeps writing on facebook how she is so happy for them and hoping they are enjoying themselves. I feel sick.

I think we are definitely still in shock about the whole situation. What kind of parents would do this? I let them know in the email too that we told my mother and friends-I hope they get really embarrassed that everyone knows.

My diet hasn't been good this week-But I have walked some. Tomorrow I am back on the wagon. This week has been crappy for a vacation but we did get lots of rest & relaxation in for sure-can't ask for much more than that.

Should you ever dump a friend?

This is a dilemma I seem to have a lot lately. I'm not sure if I blogged about this situation before but here goes. I dumped a friend 6 months ago. We were friends for approximately 8 years. During those 8 years I can honestly say that I was the "giver" and she was the "taker".

It wasn't something that really bothered me to tell the truth. It bothered my ex boyfriend more than it ever bothered me. You see I probably had her over for meals like 300 times and she had me over once. I had many good times with her over the years and it didn't feel like I was being used.

Then she got married to a guy who wasn't always the best choice of mate. I listened to her talk through the good times and bad. As much as I wanted to say he wasn't a good guy I would say things like I wish he wouldn't do some of the things he does, etc.

Then she got pregnant and Cole & I were the one's who tried to show her a good time, the one's who would go get her at 2 in the morning when she needed to talk while he was away working and they were fighting. She had the baby and we got attached. She threatened to leave her marriage and we offered to let her and the baby move in.

A couple of months later while she was visiting family in another province we heard on facebook that she was moving there. She didn't even tell me first, I had to find it out on facebook. That was in August. She knew I was mad at her and didn't try to get a hold of me til 2 months later in Oct when she called me at 2 in the morning crying about how messed up her life is.

I haven't spoken to her since. I hate carrying grudges because it is probably hurting me more anyways but it still sucks. I just don't understand the way people act sometimes.

The friendship that I'm questioning right now is so strange too. This woman was married to a guy with completely different believes, values, goals, etc when we started hanging out. We hung out all the time through my bad relationship with my ex and the whole time her marriage broke up.

I saw her through her dating that followed her divorce and bit my tongue many times. She chooses men that are completely wrong for her in every way. It really is amazing. When I worked nights we would talk on the phone between 1-3 hrs a night 5 times a week, we would always hang out on Friday nights while Cole worked.

Than she started dating this guy and I quickly found out that she was one of those woman who dumps their friends for a guy. I don't expect for nothing to change but I make time for my female friendships while still having time for Cole.

The first straw that broke the camel's back so to speak was last year on my birthday. We had made plans with a bunch of people to go out to supper and back here for some birthday cake. I hadn't heard from her in close to a month and at 4:30 when our reservations are for 6:00 she calls to cancel. She didn't feel well. She didn't call on my actual birthday a few days later. Than we exchanged a few emails about me being upset and than didn't speak for six months.

So here I am again. We started talking again in the summer and see each other from time to time but honestly I don't really know why I even bother. We hardly talk and when we do make plans she will usually cancel them about 3-4 times every time before we actually see each other. I'm just tired of being the one who makes all the effort in this relationship.

I want a friend that values me as much as I value them and I don't feel I'm getting it from her. Do you ever just keep a friend around because its too awkward not too?

A friend I need.

I live in a town where I have very few friends. Is it me? I really don't know. Both Cole and myself find it extremely hard to get and maintain friendships in this town. We continually invite people over and sometimes they come sometimes we don't even get a response.

Two of the closest friendships I had here basically ended. One woman I was friends with for 8 years and helped her deal during a bad time only to have her move and she didn't even tell me. The other friend got a new guy and though we used to talk every night prior to him now she might call every three weeks.

I feel like I'm funny, giving, etc but I don't know what is up with this. My friends from my hometown can't figure it out when I tell them but this town is very clicky I guess. I recently started making a few friends and now I made a few more at work on my new schedule.

I often feel that if my blogger friends lived closer we would be actual real life friends, I'm so open to my blogger friends and never feel judged and that makes for the best friends.

I guess I just sort of feel down right now. Cole is doing a job he does once a month and then I'll spend the whole day tomorrow by myself while he sleeps to prepare to work tomorrow night. Most days I enjoy my alone time but I think sometimes its hard. On the bright side we are hoping that Cole will soon get a day shift too-It would be so amazing.

Last night we went out to dinner and to the movie "The Lovely Bones" it was amazing. Before the movie we went to Chapters too and I read a bit of the book The end of overeating. Seems like a good read. Usually I'm prowling around for things to read but with my new morning shift my reading material is stacking up since I pass right out at bedtime-I'm not complaining though.

I've been nominated by Loriann from Amazon Runner for an award and part of it was to state 10 things that make you happy. There is one major thing I am happy about right now and that is that my company donated a little over a million dollars to the people of Haiti. Those people are in my prayers and I pray that the money goes where it is needed most.

Perfect isn't always the answer

Getting back into the groove after vacation is proving to be very hard for me. I don't really know why but I think it must be that I'm a self destructive person.

I knew I was going to gain weight while on vacation and I told myself-Its not the end of the world, its unrealistic to think you won't (from past experiences), you can knock the weight off quickly the next few weeks, etc. But then here I am disappointed in myself and feeling really tired of dieting.

Thank god for this blog and the other blogs I read cause I really think that is the only thing keeping me somewhat motivated to drink my water, eat well today and go for my walk tomorrow, that and my ww leader Ann who is awesome.

I have to get myself off this self-destructiveness where I feel I have to maintain a perfect journey or give up altogether. Obviously being 117 pds overweight at the start of my journey proves that I'm not perfect so I should know this by now.

Its really strange considering I'm the one telling friends how good they do and to not let a little set back slow them down, I just have to learn to be that friend for myself.

Fruit Flies and Fat~

Last year at this time of year I asked my friend if she had a problem with fruit flies. The conversation went like this:
Me - "Do you have a problem with fruit flies?"
Her - "No"
Her - "Then again, I don't eat fruit"
She is a bigger girl too but in some ways I envy her. I have known her for 8 years and can only really remember her being on one diet. She is the first one in a bathing suit at the beach. When the waiter is bringing her a plate of food she does this little happy dancing while still sitting.
Who is really in the better place, me who is constantly trying to change or her the one who is content with who she is, or is it an act on her part?