Onto day five~

Today is day 5 of the 21 day detox. I'm feeling great. My headaches are gone and my ring feels looser (could be in my head). This diet is really hard for me only because I guess I'm a fussy eater. There aren't much things on the list I enjoy eating.

The one good thing is that I'm not as interested in food now. Before when I had food in front of my I would eat it because it was there but now I eat a bit and then will push it away if I don't want more. I think this detox is really good for me to learn portion control. Now I know that no I can walk away from the food before my plate is empty.

I joined Good Life this week and so far I love it. On Wednesday I went to Body Pump and ran in to an old co-worker/friend I used to work with so that rocked especially since it was my first time going. The class was awesome but I haven't walked the same since. I'm like Bambi the first time standing-haha.

Tonight Cole is going in for overtime and I'm going to the gym (yes you read right) Imagine me going to a gym on a Friday night-haha. Then I'm making cakes for Kelly's fundraiser-they are having a silent auction.

Have a great weekend peeps. I'm not weighing myself til Monday to better see the detox for exactly one week.

This is the other painting that Cole did for Kelly's auction-its too pretty to give away. Man he is the total package-he's hot, considerate, does housework and is super talented. I'm a lucky girl~

Awesomeness~

This week has went by fast and its been a great one. A few weeks ago I wrote a post here that talked about how I am now viewing my dieting, exercise, etc as a lifetime change and honestly I've felt great ever since.

I don't know but it has all felt like something clicked. I feel happy in my own skin for the first time in such a long time. I find myself making more time for exercising and its just something natural now. I did great with my eating, even on the weekend, which has always posed problems for me. I guess I'm just proud. No matter what the scale says tomorrow morning I know I did myself proud.

This week two great things happened. I fit back into a pair of my dress pants that I haven't worn in years. In fact I remember the last time I wore them they were clinging so much to my thighs they looked too short-a really comfortable feeling I might add. Anyways now they are just right and even baggy in the legs.

And the other thing is that I can now fit into some of Cole's clothes. Here is a pic of me today before my walk wearing Cole's grey hoodie from American Eagle. I am truly excited and the smile is also because it is raining here and I'm a freak-I LOVE RAIN.Here is a pic of my current dream wedding dress-it changes often-hahaAlso I thought I would post a couple of hair styles I like so far - Which do you like the best?

A)B) C)In my last post I talked about wanting to set a big short term goal for myself and after putting much thought into it I decided to try to be under 200 by the end of June. This is a huge goal for me since it generally takes me a while to lose weight but I won't get discouraged if I don't so it can only help. Set any goals lately?

Hello? This is your wake up call~

Today I got the ever lovely wake up call. I don't know if I ever really had that moment where I knew I had to lose weight. You know the "its now or never" type thing. I've just always wanted to lose weight. Every week since I was 16 I would be trying a new diet. It sorta defines me-sad but true.

Then today at work we had some student nurses come in with their teacher to take blood pressure readings. As you can see from the pic I didn't do so hot. I have a really high blood pressure and it totally sucks.

I guess I really enjoyed the not knowing. It was a simpler time-haha-It is a huge motivator for me to step my exercise into gear. I feel I really have a handle on my diet. I always try to get all my servings, choose the right types of food-whole grain, etc. My exercise is something that I have been struggling with.

In the fall I did so good with exercise and honestly that is when I see the biggest results weight wise. Today I went for an hour long walk after work and felt great. I need to make time for exercise every single day for me-FOR MY HEALTH.

Here I am after my walk-my face is both cold & sweaty at the same time-so cold out. I took a copy of the healthy food guide and this wheel thing that will tell you how much you would have to exercise to burn off a food item. For example for 1 plain chocolate bar (40 grams) 215 calories you would have to Walk: 54mins Swim/Jump Rope : 24 mins Cycling: 31 mins
During my walk I thought of all the reasons I really want to lose the weight and keep it off. A small list includes :

• To lower my blood pressure
• To someday be a healthy mom
• To look good in my wedding dress/at my beach wedding
• So Cole could have a hot woman (even though he thinks I'm hot now)
• To not feel bad about myself
• To feel good shopping for clothing again
• To not feel embarrassed of my size
• To do things I want to do ex: down hill skiing-get really winded climbing back up the hill
• To lose my double chin (the ban of my existence)
  Two important things for my list are to be around for my niece Gabby

And my nephew Benjamin. Seriously have you ever saw such gorgeous children? They are healthy, happy, funny and we are truly blessed.I've made every excuse in the book to get out of exercise and really and truly I am the only one suffering from it. I need to put this ahead of everything else and to kick the excuses to the curb. This is too important to let slide year after year. I deserve to have all the things I want and I'm gonna get them.

Treadmills and nagging~

I was reading a great blog last night What a slurge and she discussed not letting her co-workers know she was dieting.

I have such strong opinions on this topic I decided to discuss it right here. Since I have been dieting for over half my life I have tried every approach known to woman.

The secret diet, telling everyone, telling a few, etc. I haven't really struck a good balance when it comes to this. I seem to always tell a person I always wish I hadn't.

In the present tense it is a co-worker. I had a momentary lapse in judgement a while ago when she told me she struggled with dieting and told her I joined Weight Watchers.

I didn't tell her this for any particular reason I think I felt she needed to know that someone else was in the same boat. Ever since it feels like she is really struggling with dieting and she is constantly telling me about going to the gym, what she eats, etc.

I don't want to seem uncaring or cold hearted, and I certainly don't want anyone to think I judge them for what they eat-I am the last one who could judge believe me, but I also don't want my eating habits brought up on a daily basis. She mentions these things around others and it just makes me uncomfortable.

Not to mention I've lost 25 pds and she says so how much have you lost so far and I'll tell her and she doesn't say yeah I can tell or you look good or anything. If only I could turn back the clock.

In other news-I've given up walking outside. I have trackers but my legs are still too afraid to fall and it took me forever to do my walk yesterday. It really sucks because from mine and Cole's walk on Sunday morning in the snow my legs are still sore so it really makes for a good workout.

I decided to use the treadmill provided in my apartment building. I so depise a treadmill but at least it has a tv in there.

The room is surrounded in mirrors so I can stare at my ass while working out-haha-should help with portion control.

I'm doing a Christmas Gift Card Exchange on the Weight Watcher Website and I've gotten three so far. One had 4 awesome recipes with the points and everything already tallied and in another card I got a string with 1 inch braided and a little saying.

It says : "What does an inch mean? Here are a few lengths of thread-Just one braided inch. It may look quite small but when you find yourself in a pinch consider the inches you've lost (But how gaining them is a cinch!) When the going gets tough look on this thread and know you will get there-inch by inch.

This is so cute and clever-I have mine on my wrist right now and may replace it with a black one-goes with more-haha. I thought it was so neat.

I so love getting mail :)

Pessimistic~

Yesterday I was feeling so blue I contemplated giving it all up. The dieting, the blogging, everything. When I am sick I can get pretty pessimistic. Of course I'm pretty much the opposite when healthy but what can you do.

I think it all started when I weighed in on Friday. Though I never really spoke my true goal out loud before I kinda had it in my mind that if I lost 1.6pds per week I could make it to my goal in a year. My brain knows this might not happen and that I shouldn't give up if it doesn't but try telling that to my heart.

I have spoken before about my having a defeatist attitude if things don't go perfectly as planned and how I'm trying to shake that. I liken myself to an clock and every so often the power goes out and you need to reset your clock.

Then I started feeling under the weather and thought "Why am I working so hard for something that won't happen?" I don't know why I get like this and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever truly be cured from this negativeness every so often.

The only real thing I know is that I just got back from my morning walk and I'm not giving up. Not yet, and hopefully not ever.

The last thing I want to do is start over with even more weight on in a couple of months, and from my track record that is exactly what would happen. Even if I don't lose 1.6 per week and if in a years time I'm only down 5, 10 , 15 pds at least it will be down.

Perfect isn't always the answer

Getting back into the groove after vacation is proving to be very hard for me. I don't really know why but I think it must be that I'm a self destructive person.

I knew I was going to gain weight while on vacation and I told myself-Its not the end of the world, its unrealistic to think you won't (from past experiences), you can knock the weight off quickly the next few weeks, etc. But then here I am disappointed in myself and feeling really tired of dieting.

Thank god for this blog and the other blogs I read cause I really think that is the only thing keeping me somewhat motivated to drink my water, eat well today and go for my walk tomorrow, that and my ww leader Ann who is awesome.

I have to get myself off this self-destructiveness where I feel I have to maintain a perfect journey or give up altogether. Obviously being 117 pds overweight at the start of my journey proves that I'm not perfect so I should know this by now.

Its really strange considering I'm the one telling friends how good they do and to not let a little set back slow them down, I just have to learn to be that friend for myself.

Diets

I figured it was time to talk about all the past diets I have tried, lest I forget, and were to think about trying again. Ugh. I have been trying since I was about 16 to lose weight, back then 20 pds, this time 117.

The first one I ever tried was TOPS (Taking off pounds, sensibly), it was awesome that it only cost about $1 a week but I can't really remember a weight loss plan if there was one. We had this little chant we were supposed to do to, can you say embarrasting, I can still do it, "and even though my excess poundage is there for everyone to see how foolish I have been..." sad but true.

I tried the cabbage soup diet. Not much to go into since I lasted less than a week, man that stuff is so gross. The Atkins diet was more my speed but after reading an article of a guy getting the gout I decided I would rather my fat limbs than no limbs at all.

I tried a diet that ppl were passing around with all these rules, can't remember the name, but you could only have bananas and skim milk one day, strawberries the next, all that madness, couldn't do it. I tried the grapefruit diet but that only lasted about a day when I threw the grapefruit juice back up into the glass.

I tried slim fast and thought it went well until I was walking to my weigh in and must have looked like one of those tri-athlete's that deplete all their calories and can't make it over the finish line, my weigh in was about a 10 min walk from my apt and I could hardly make it there, after the weigh in I went to my aunts and had Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Of course I tried many more than written here but I don't even care to travel down that road anymore, these diets, in moderation, are probably good for some, but alas not for me.