A friend I need.

I live in a town where I have very few friends. Is it me? I really don't know. Both Cole and myself find it extremely hard to get and maintain friendships in this town. We continually invite people over and sometimes they come sometimes we don't even get a response.

Two of the closest friendships I had here basically ended. One woman I was friends with for 8 years and helped her deal during a bad time only to have her move and she didn't even tell me. The other friend got a new guy and though we used to talk every night prior to him now she might call every three weeks.

I feel like I'm funny, giving, etc but I don't know what is up with this. My friends from my hometown can't figure it out when I tell them but this town is very clicky I guess. I recently started making a few friends and now I made a few more at work on my new schedule.

I often feel that if my blogger friends lived closer we would be actual real life friends, I'm so open to my blogger friends and never feel judged and that makes for the best friends.

I guess I just sort of feel down right now. Cole is doing a job he does once a month and then I'll spend the whole day tomorrow by myself while he sleeps to prepare to work tomorrow night. Most days I enjoy my alone time but I think sometimes its hard. On the bright side we are hoping that Cole will soon get a day shift too-It would be so amazing.

Last night we went out to dinner and to the movie "The Lovely Bones" it was amazing. Before the movie we went to Chapters too and I read a bit of the book The end of overeating. Seems like a good read. Usually I'm prowling around for things to read but with my new morning shift my reading material is stacking up since I pass right out at bedtime-I'm not complaining though.

I've been nominated by Loriann from Amazon Runner for an award and part of it was to state 10 things that make you happy. There is one major thing I am happy about right now and that is that my company donated a little over a million dollars to the people of Haiti. Those people are in my prayers and I pray that the money goes where it is needed most.

I'll just open an Emotional Eatery!~

I never really thought of myself as an "Emotional Eater". I heard the saying tons and didn't really connect it to me, it sounded like a cop out. I figured I like food and have no self control, its that simple.

Then this week I decided to try something new. I'm trying to think about the reasons I gained the weight in the first place. I watch The Biggest Loser every week and watching Jillian break the contestants to the point where all their emotions come out makes me want to break.

My father died when I was 5 and my mother raised me by herself afterwards and while as a teenager I felt bigger than my friends I was, by no means, big. My mother remarried and moved to the states when I was 16 and my weight problems got worst.

Part of me wonders if this was the straw the broke the camels back but I really don't know since this was the first time I had a serious boyfriend and we ate a lot of crappy food together. I was about 30 pds overweight going into college.

While away at college I gained more. Than a few years later when I got into another serious relationship I was around 180 and our relationship was bad for me, really really bad and I came out of that relationship 6 years later @ around 260.

I know that deep down my mother harbours some guilt that by remarrying and moving away she somehow caused me to gain all this weight but I don't want her to feel that way.

I don't know if I'll ever really break, I am really good at pushing my feelings to the back of my head, classic case of denial, but then you can see my emotions in my extra pounds so what do I do? I am really going to try and address my emotions from now on. I think my blogging I have already asked myself some uncomfortable questions that I wouldn't have in the past, so that's a start. Do any of you know why you gained the extra weight in the first place?