Soooooo Cold~

The weather here is so sick. I always love the idea of winter but when it shows up I'm always reminded that I don't really like it.

One thing I am loving is my Christmas Card Exchange, so much fun. Yesterday I received a nice card with stickers, a letter about the giver with a before/after pic and a little card:

So cute, so creative. I'll have to keep all these things on hand over the holidays for a little motivation when mine slips.

I started watching The Biggest Loser last night but had to go to work. I haven't read any blogs about it yet but I couldn't believe that Rebecca's dyed her hair-I did not like it. Watching that show really shows how sometimes people can go too far with it. Some of the women especially looked under weight and that is just as unflattering in my opinion.

I bought Jen's E-Cookbook from Priorfatgirl and its awesome. I printed it but don't have a colored printer :( oh well-it is so nicely done. Can't wait to make something.

Well I am off to yet again prepare more for Adam's party on Saturday. Cole has been pigging out all week on my treats-I'm getting scared I won't have enough-haha.

Hauling butt-my butt~

Wow-I can't get over how long this week has been. I'm going to work on Friday to get some overtime pay for Christmas. I'm gonna see how I do and maybe do it the next couple of weeks so I'll have lots of cash for the outlet stores.

I just got back from my morning walk and I'm really proud of myself. I've been pushing myself to go for longer walks and to walk faster. In all my years of dieting I've never pushed myself in an athletic way.

I know that lots of people don't like The Biggest Loser because its dramatic weight loss and sort of unrealistic to regular people but I have to admit I'm addicted. I love watching the transformations and I usually pic someone who was my weight in the beginning and love seeing what they look like smaller.

Watching the show and reading different blogs has got me motivated for the future. Its really making me plan some goals. I'd love to run a 5k, go hiking, etc. These things couldn't have been further from my mind before but now they are starting to seem attainable.

One definite benefit to exercise is that I've never felt better, I'm actually getting up an hour or more before my alarm and I'm actually rested. I'm looking forward to my weigh in tomorrow-hopefully it'll show all the work I did this week.

I'll just open an Emotional Eatery!~

I never really thought of myself as an "Emotional Eater". I heard the saying tons and didn't really connect it to me, it sounded like a cop out. I figured I like food and have no self control, its that simple.

Then this week I decided to try something new. I'm trying to think about the reasons I gained the weight in the first place. I watch The Biggest Loser every week and watching Jillian break the contestants to the point where all their emotions come out makes me want to break.

My father died when I was 5 and my mother raised me by herself afterwards and while as a teenager I felt bigger than my friends I was, by no means, big. My mother remarried and moved to the states when I was 16 and my weight problems got worst.

Part of me wonders if this was the straw the broke the camels back but I really don't know since this was the first time I had a serious boyfriend and we ate a lot of crappy food together. I was about 30 pds overweight going into college.

While away at college I gained more. Than a few years later when I got into another serious relationship I was around 180 and our relationship was bad for me, really really bad and I came out of that relationship 6 years later @ around 260.

I know that deep down my mother harbours some guilt that by remarrying and moving away she somehow caused me to gain all this weight but I don't want her to feel that way.

I don't know if I'll ever really break, I am really good at pushing my feelings to the back of my head, classic case of denial, but then you can see my emotions in my extra pounds so what do I do? I am really going to try and address my emotions from now on. I think my blogging I have already asked myself some uncomfortable questions that I wouldn't have in the past, so that's a start. Do any of you know why you gained the extra weight in the first place?

Maybe I'm a slow learner.

A while ago I read a study that proved that it took 3 weeks to form a habit. So I figured I would try this with exercising. Even at my heaviest weight, dare I even type it, 265 pds, I was the type of person who walked, slow but still I did.

That being said, in the past I never enjoyed exercise. I would come up with any excuse not to do it-headache, sore stomach, paper cut, whatever. Whenever I watch The Biggest Loser and they lost quite a lot of weight and have to carry it while they run a challenge I think its no wonder I hate exercise.

Anyways I thought that it would take me three weeks to form the habit of exercise, but you know what it really didn't-for me it took longer, more like 3 months. 3 months of walking 5-6 times a week and now I can honestly say it is a habit, and one I enjoy at that. I get home from work do the dishes and before I know it I am half way dressed in my exercise clothes before I even realise what I am doing. At any rate I'm just glad I didn't give up sooner than the three months because I have been sleeping so much better with the walking and the fresh air.