The time is flying.

Wow-hard to believe the weekend is gone already and I've got two shifts punched. Amazing how fast the time seems to be going.

I started thinking about that today and how quickly my wedding will be approaching. It is 13 months away. Walking home from work with the temperature being above -5 for the first time in a while got me in the mood for exercise.

I've been having a great week so far-this being the 2nd day-haha-and I've really stuck to a good food plan. Been eating lots of fresh veggies and fruit. I'm so grateful that the fruit we bought this week is especially delicious-so much easier-I just hate it when we buy a box of clementines only to have them taste yucky.

This coming weekend we are being offered some overtime and I was going to do it til I realized that Friday is the only real night Cole & I will get to celebrate Valentine's day and that is really important to us.

So many of my co-workers or ppl I know say they don't really do anything special for their spouse or vice versa. I can honestly say that Cole & I constantly show each other appreciation on a daily basis not just Valentine's day. Many ppl say oh just wait til you get married or have kids but I don't think either one of us would let the other get away with it. Whether its Cole scribbling me a little love note or me baking him his favorite treat we do these things often and we don't take them for granted.

Maybe it helps that we were friends first but I encourage anyone to do these things and to really see how fulfilling it can be to give.

Here are some pics of something Cole did for me last year. He made a trail for me to follow to the bathroom.

Hershey Kisses cause he really knows his woman.He had candles set up everywhere and a super hot bubble bath, just the way I like it.

Approaching week & resentment.

Well its Sunday again. Another week is fast approaching. Where do the weekends go? Sundays are bittersweet-Cole has to sleep and that sucks but I do enjoy scrap booking so that is fun. I make sure to have all the chores done so I can just relax.

Speaking of chores I did the biggest one this morning. I cleaned out my fridge. This was no simple task as it should have been done ages ago but I figured it would be healthy to purge all the outdated crap-not to mention the room it would free up.

I should have taken pics cause we had stuff in there we would never in a million years eat-leftover McChicken sauce, etc, so gross-I cannot remember the last time I even ate MacDonald's probably over a year ago.

The fridge cleaning was awesome because it allowed me the room I needed for all the prep I'm doing for the healthy diet I'm doing this week. I got tons of fruits & veggies and even bagged up my own 100 calorie packs for it. I didn't go to my weigh in this week, partly due to my being sick the whole week, and partly cause I was nervous. I will be there this Thursday though-no doubts.

This week my almost mother in law started exercising in preparation for a trip down south. They went on one in March of last year too. To be quite honest I feel a twinge of resentment. Nothing about the trip but about the way they go about dieting.

They only need to lose a few pounds anyways but for a month or two they will absolutely talk about nothing other than this and its the foremost of every conversation. As a person who deals with weight, dieting, society, etc on a daily, monthly, yearly basis for over half my life I really hate this. It'll be you should try this or what should I do about this and my head almost wants to explode.

People who don't have serious weight issues just don't get it. I don't even know the way I'd like people to act around me but it really does rub me the wrong way how they obsess over it and the day they get back it won't be mentioned again.

I will leave you all now as I have to scrapbook-for my mental health if nothing more.

Support

After a couple of days of being negative about my journey and blogging about it I decided to smarten up. I'm still not feeling well but I figured I can choose to be happy that I weigh a good deal less right now than I did from a year ago.

I decided that next week I'm going to try a pre-planned meal guide from one of my magazine. It has around 1500 calories per day and I can choose between three different choices for each meal with two snacks. The one I found has a lot of the foods I already like so it should be good.

I know that one of my big problems has been eating the same thing most days for so long. Another big reason for my funk is not being able to walk outside. I just love it, it works. I cannot wait for this snow/ice to melt its maddening.

Thanks everyone for the unwavering support and encouraging messages you all rock!

blurg.............

Hey Everyone-I'm still here. After my horrible weigh in on Thursday evening I spent Friday feeling sorry for myself and then when I woke up on Saturday I had this crappy head cold, which I still have by the way.

I binged all weekend long and didn't exercise. Its me-I'm a self sabotager. My name is Candace and I'm a self sabotager. Right at the very moment I have a ear ache and a toothache-in fact the whole right side of my head generally aches.

For the first time in my life I feel like I've lost my appetite. Maybe I ate so much on the weekend I reached my cap of calories, whatever it is I forced myself to eat lunch and am trying to stay awake to force myself to eat supper.

Sometimes I feel like the journey to lose over a hundred pounds for me takes so long that its the main reason why I can't do it. I wonder if I can keep myself on track during the hard times to make it to the goal?

Depressing~

I gained 2.4 pds. I'm in shock. Walking to my meeting I'm saying to myself " Be happy with any loss" or even a small gain cause my body is getting used to the workouts but this. Its hard not to get depressed when my muscles ached the whole walk there, in the dark, on the icy sidewalk.

All I can do is try and switch up some of my food choices and chug along.... boo....

A healty combination~

Around an hour ago I finished day 3 of the 30 day Shred-I know why it must be called that cause it feels like my muscles have been shredded and put back in my clothes.

Seriously you should see me try to walk. I knew I was out of shape but this is really crazy. Oh well no pain no gain right. I did seem to get a bigger movement with my jumping jacks so that is good.

Last night we went to Swiss Chalet and just like I said I ordered a salad instead of fries. I only stole two of Cole's to so that was good. The food was awesome as usual. It was really nice to get out with Cole during the week.

Tomorrow I go get weighed. I'm really curious about what it will say since I had a really great week food/exercise wise. I can never really tell cause my body fluctuates but whatever it says I'm still proud of the choices I made this week. Yah me.

There is this woman at work who is a little taller than me but she probably weighs 450 pds and I really feel so bad for her. She looks so uncomfortable and during my lunch break she will eat chips from the vending machine. She seems so unhappy and I just want to hug her. Its so hard seeing someone like that and not reaching out and saying how much blogging is helping me this time. I told Cole last night that this time (losing weight) feels so different-so much more attainable because of my blog and having ppl comment and care about me and my journey-thanks everyone :)

Girlish~

Today was day 2 for the 30 Day Shred-my god my thighs are so incredibly sore. Today at work I could hardly move, thankfully we do all our work on computers anyway but still. I do like that I know its doing something but I definitely don't like how out of shape I am.

Since I got back on track the last couple of weeks I can feel that I definitely carry myself differently. I walk a little taller and check myself out a little more in the mirror. I seem to take more interest in my appearance, ex-putting on a little makeup, accessories, etc.

I know that Cole loves when I do these things and I love feeling more girly too. When I'm not dieting or exercising I just feel slobby and therefore don't put much effort in.

This evening we are going to Swiss Chalet for supper and I'm going to order salad instead of fries, for the Canadians who read my blog you will know how hard this is since they have the most awesome fries. I'm just happy to get out with Cole-miss having him on the same shift as me so much.

I haven't decided if I'm going to do the 30 day shred thing fully but so far so good. Its really important for me to walk home and put on my workout gear before I get sidelined. I have to ignore the dirty dishes, Internet, etc until I get my workout in cause if I do it in reverse I will never do it.