Hormones?

Hi Everyone,
Thanks so much for the comments and for not giving up on me. I don't really know whats going on with my head right now but I'm just not feeling it.

It being the gusto for losing weight. What to eat, how much, measuring, blogging, exercising, etc has been something I have been struggling with.

The reason I guess is that I've been dieting on a off for over half my life and I'm still fat. I know I have made great strides and that has pleased me but I just can't explain.

Right now is when most people would be going nuts to lose weight for the wedding and all I want to do is eat-what is wrong with me? I feel like I've gained about 15 pounds in the last month and honestly I'm afraid to get on the scale.

In the last month I've had a big fight with my mom because she couldn't come to get my wedding dress with me-something we had planned since January and I went to get my dress all by myself. I'm so in love with it but something that was supposed to be a happy day was just a wash. I know I shouldn't be complaining-many people have it a lot worse-maybe I am just super hormonal-who knows?

Anyways I am going to try and get updated with everyone's blogs-missed you all so much-my computer is on and off on the fritz so it may take days-haha.

Love you all

Need to find some motivation~

I weighed in today and lost 1 pd. Its all good. I feel really unmotivated right now for some reason so I was happy with a loss. I really don't know what to say-I want to eat all day and not exercise. It may be the weather I don't know. Its freaking freezing here and I have lost my mojo.

On a brighter note my mom is coming today til Sunday. Its not really for the best reason cause she is basically being forced to move back to Canada. My mother and Stepfather have both had surgeries and medical problems over the last couple of years and financially they can't take the risk of accumulating more bills. In Canada their medical will be taken care of so its a no-brainer.
They actually should have moved years ago but its a hard decision to make.

She is actually going to be even harder to visit now because she will be like 14 hours away via car and boat while right now she is 6 hrs away-bummer~

Anyways she will be here for 2 days and hopefully back in a couple of weeks to go down for black Friday with Cole & I.

Here's hoping we all find the motivation we need this week~

Kicking my own butt~

Today I weighed in and stayed the same again this week. I have to get my act together. I can feel myself slipping. I don't know what is wrong with me.

The past two weeks I haven't eaten in the first couple of hours after waking. I just get ready for work and once there have a coffee. Its something I know is wrong and somehow I just do it.

I know I haven't been eating right because for me I need to eat every couple of hours to boost my metabolism but I just don't have the motivation or something.

I want to feel good trying to find my wedding dress so for the next 24 days I have to really kick it into overdrive and make good decisions.

I vow right here and now to do my best to eat every few hours, stock the house with lots of healthy food and eat breakfast :)

Recap~

This past week has been a blur and then the weekend sorta sucked. We went to Cole's parents place on Thursday for his fathers birthday. It was a little normal, haha. Got home later than usual and had to make stuff for Cole's bosses party at work. Hardly got any sleep.

I didn't weigh myself because I slept through my alarm and was running late. Friday I eat flex points with my friend from work so I have forgone my weigh in til next Friday.

Friday night we went in for overtime and I had an upset tummy all night. Must be a touch of the stomach flu or something.

I lazed around all day on Saturday and on Sunday I made the rest of my place cards for the wedding. So far we have 13 people booked at the resort for the wedding. Not too bad. Many more are saying maybe.

We go on vacation in three weeks and are going to the black Friday sales and to get my wedding dress, so excited!!!

Staying the same-this week :)

I weighed in and stayed the same this week. I wasn't surprised. This week was weird.

I only got to two classes because I was having a tooth/ear ache thing on Wednesday and Thursday I had my appointment with my credit counsellor.

This week is so different because Cole finally got on a day shift with me. He had a really hard time Monday/Tuesday but I think he's finally getting into the swing of things and he's gonna be pumped to get off work early today and then have until Monday morning.

Have to catch up on my other blogs now that I'm getting used to Cole being around-haha.

Results

I was so frightened to weigh myself today. I did everything right. I did four aerobic classes, walked on my breaks at work, ate my correct points, etc. Bam..... I lost 2.5 pds. I'm totally stoked. My hard work paid off. Though it wasn't really that hard. I'm loving the classes so much that I look forward to them and do anything not to miss them. That is, apparently, the key for me.

I need to exercise to drop good numbers but I need to enjoy my exercise to stick to it. Thank God I joined the gym!

We are both going in for overtime tonight and we are working on Thanksgiving too to get the holiday pay. Its hard working so much but will be totally worth it to buy lots of new clothes on black Friday. Can't wait.

I'm just so happy to have lost that weight you don't even know. I told Cole yesterday if I didn't lose this week that I was going to donate my body to science so they could research how someone can do everything right and still not lose-haha.

Have a great weekend~

Woo hoo~

Just a quick post to let you all know I'm feeling better.

I also wanted to let you know about a few things I just started noticing about my weight loss:

• I am now able to fit into some of my old clothing that was always too small before
• I lost almost an inch around my ankle-noticed this with my ankle bracelet
• Am now able to go in another loop on my bra

How exciting is that???

Seeing red~

Yesterday was a really bad day. I got home from work and Mom called to say my brother and family will not be going to the wedding.

The reason is that my niece has allergies to peanuts and stuff. I'm just super disappointed and really a little pissed.

Of course I totally understand the allergy thing but all along it was can't wait to go and we'll have to see what they do about allergies, etc.

So we finally book the day before yesterday and now they can't go. Maybe if they had told me beforehand I would have changed my mind.

Also my mother and husband have all these medical bills and stuff and are now moving back to Canada but they will now be even farther away from me than before.

For the last year or so we had it all worked out that Mom & I would pick out my dress in New Hampshire. So now she is moving to Canada this month. Since we have known, about two months, we (me and Cole) have been rearranging plans.

We figured that Cole would drive the 8 hours to pick her up, drive back the 8 hours the next day or so later we would drive to New Hampshire and stay 4 nights-with us paying for everything.

So now Mom says I don't know if I will be able to go since we will have just moved. You wanted me to help pick out your wedding dress is that it? Like it was the first time hearing it.

I'm seeing red right now. We should have just eloped. So I guess I will pick out my dress by myself and walk myself down the aisle-nice.

Well yesterday instead of just getting mad and eating-I went to my step aerobics and worked out my aggression-something I wouldn't have done in the past and then I came home, had supper, and went to sleep~

Planning done~

Well people here we are into another week. Its crazy how fast the time is going.

Cole & I have finally finalized our wedding plans and picked a resort. Its the Bavaro Princess All Suites Spa & Casino in Punta Cana.

We are beyond excited and we are finally feeling a bunch of the stress leaving us. I was feeling stress because people wanted to know where, when, etc.

Then we make this decision and everyone is saying omg I can't believe we have to decide now and need to make a deposit, etc. People (our families) are just crazy its really hard to take. We told them over a year ago to save and now some of them haven't.

But either way we are going to have an awesome time-can't wait.

I haven't let my weight gain discourage me and I did my Body Combat yesterday and today is Body Step-so love it~

:(

I gained 3 pounds. I didn't know what my body would do after the detox but I had no idea it would do this.

I take comfort in the fact that I feel so good. I'm on my period too so maybe that is in the weight gain too.

I'm continuing with the working out and will see where it leads. Do you think I should eat any activity points? I don't but am wondering if I should.

No longer phoning it in~

Today my body is so sore. I really gave it my all the last two days at aerobics. I figure I will try a little bit more each week to step it up. Now I'm paying for it-haha.

I really have to say that other than being in pain I am just so happy and content right now. I'm so pleased that I joined the gym and finished the detox.

The detox was so super hard but really gave me a newfound appreciation for food. Before the detox I always had a strong craving for all kinds of bad foods daily. Even on days I did eat the right number of points they weren't always the best points. Weekends were especially brutal.

Doing the detox for three weeks now makes everything I eat taste so good. Just a simple bowl of high fiber cereal with skim milk tastes really delicious and sweet.

Coming home from work and packing lunches is no longer a huge struggle for me I just pack them eat a yogurt and I'm fine.

The detox isn't for everyone but for me it was great.

I was really apprehensive about joining the gym. In the past I would join and either not go or join and phone it in when I was there. I thought this time I would too.

I decided to totally change my attitude when going to the gym. I no longer feel like this embarrassed fat girl. I pay my membership like everyone else and I deserve to be there.

I walk in with my head held proud and I give eye contact and smile. Most of the guys there are so busy looking at themselves in the mirror anyways-haha.

I'm totally loving it. The classes are so fun, the music is awesome and I know for a fact I am pushing myself 100 times harder than I ever would at home. I'm so glad this time is different.

Setting Goals.

I'm feeling really sore today from yesterday's Body Combat class. I must have kicked butt-haha. I've been asked by Katie what my new goals are gonna be. Honestly I really don't know.

I don't want to get too tied to the scale and discouraged since I'm working out a lot. I will have to post so more pics soon.

I guess by the end of November I would like to have another 10 pounds gone-that would be lovely. I can't wait to buy some new clothes in November at the black Friday sales-gonna be fun I hope.

Today is Kelly's procedure-praying for a miracle.

Weight Loss and a cake~

The detox is over. YAH! I weighed in and lost another pound. I was both happy and sad at the same time. I was happy because all week I could hardly bring myself to eat since all the food was so gross to me by then and I didn't feel like I was going to lose anything. Along the same line I was sad that I went all week eating hardly anything I liked, exercising and only losing 1 pound. My pic of the scale is getting worse because you can't see the 200 and the 2 at the same time. Guess I'll just have to go into the 190's to make it easier-haha. So hard to believe I'm getting so close to Onederland. Its scary though because I don't want to get my hopes up and start messing up this roll I've been on.

The gym is still awesome and I can't wait to get there today @ 4:30. What a change it is to actually enjoy exercise. I don't feel really big and heavy doing aerobics either-its so strange. You would think it would be one of the hardest exercises being overweight but I can keep up so I probably sell myself short and I probably can do a lot of other exercises too.

Kelly is now in Poland for her operation. She left on Friday and her operation is tomorrow. This past Tuesday I made her and Rodney this cake:
Its a four layer Walnut, Praline Cake with Homemade Cream Cheese Frosting with Chocolate Fudge Frosting in between the layers. Kelly & Rodney both have the biggest sweet tooth you could imagine-even worse than mine. Kelly called me 4 times on Tuesday night to talk about how much they loved it and her mom emailed me too. haha. I love feeding people who love food.

All weekend I watched Cupcake Wars and Unwrapped. It made me think more and more about someday opening a bakery. Maybe a Cupcake Bakery. Maybe someday when my financial situation is finally cleaned up.

Anyways I should be off. Today is the day I get to have coffee for the first time in 21 days. Sandra and I are having Subway for lunch too and then its back to Weight Watchers for me. 9 pounds in 3 weeks is great for me but if I do end up doing this detox again before the wedding I'm pretty sure I'll only do it for 2 weeks.

The end is near~

I am three days away from this detox being over!!! I am so happy that the end is near. I have had the worst cold this week. Really bad earaches, sore throat, stuffy nose. Being sick while on the detox has been challenging cause I want comfort food.

I did three aerobic classes so far this week-still loving them. Sandra & I are having Subway on Monday and I'm living for it-haha.

Onto week three~

Well everyone I'm really excited because I lost 4 pds again this week. This detox diet can be really hard but I haven't lost this great ever so I guess its worth it.

This past week I've had lots of energy and I did four classes of aerobics in a row-Mon, Tue, Wed, & Thur. The plan is to do it again this week. The classes are so fun and the music is awesome.

All week Cole is looking at me really different and he said I'm starting to look like a different person. My clothes feel a lot looser and it feels great.

I went out and bought a new pair of workout pants the kind that is really thin so it will be easier to move in them-the one's I wore all week had me hauling them up in the back during the workout. I hemmed them yesterday morning and they look and feel great. I also bought this wicked sports bra from Walmart for only $17 that is actually big enough to cover my chest and gives me support :)

I have a nasty cold right now-lots of people have it at work but all in all I have to say life is pretty good right now. Jerry is out of the hospital and mom said he is walking a couple of times a day-seems like this scare might have changed him-hopefully.

Kelly leaves on Friday for her operation-she got lots of money at her fundraiser so that is great.

I was really missing cheese on this diet-we can only have goat's milk cheese. So on Saturday Cole found me Feta Cheese made from goats milk. We had omelette's yesterday morning using it-so good and then I baked some chicken with Feta on top-great again-this will make this week easier :)

Bye for now peeps~

Week coming to an end

Well people I think I got it-finally. The exercise bug. I love the aerobics at the gym. Yesterday Kelly called me last minute to go to the hospital with her and I said yes.

Afterwards I was freaking because I wanted to be quick so I could workout. Before I would have been like wow awesome an excuse not to workout-even if I had the time.

Yesterday was Body Attack and man at one point I felt like I was going to puke. My calves are still pretty sore but I feel great.

I've been eating the same thing pretty much everyday so this detox is boring for me-hoping Monday when I weigh in I see another loss.

We are doing overtime tonight and relaxing tomorrow-at least that is the plan as of right now.
Have a great weekend.

Update~

Just a little update to let you know I'm loving the gym. I just got back from a Body Step class and yesterday I did Body Combat.

I'm proud that I have the stamina to stay up with everyone and my step co-ordination will catch up (hopefully).

I'm sticking hard to the detox even though it is super boring.

Better go the sweat is dripping over my eyelids....

Week 1 complete~

This is now my second week of the detox. I weighed myself and I lost 4 pds. I am now into the 200's-finally!!!

This weekend was especially hard to follow the detox because my stepfather got admitted into the ICU on Friday night and Cole & I rushed to New Hampshire to be with them.

Mom called on Friday night and Cole came home from work and we just shoved clothing into bags, grabbed our passports and were off. I didn't think to pack my detox needs.

They didn't know if he would make it through the night so the 5 1/2 hr drive was grueling. Sitting there thinking about mom being scared and all alone was excruciating.

We made it in around 4:30 and Jerry was still pretty bad. Jerry & I have sometimes had a tumultuous relationship but seeing him hooked up to everything and disoriented was really sad and frightening.

Saturday was the longest day in history and my main focus was trying to get my mother to eat and grab a bit of rest. Finally she succumbed to my nagging and ate.

Saturday afternoon Jerry finally took a turn for the better. Turns out that he has gone undiagnosed with sleep apnea for years and years. So his brain hasn't been getting enough oxygen for years and years. That could explain why he doesn't have any energy. I guess that is why he drinks so much water and ice tea. He brain tells his body he is thirsty, etc and that is why his sodium was so dangerously low. Crazy.

Finally by Saturday night we were out of the woods. So all day Saturday I managed to have some scrambled eggs in the morning, a few banana's and later a salad.

Sunday I went to McDonald's and asked for a Mcgrill with no sauce. We are heading down the road and as I am picking the meat off to eat it I notice she put in Mcgrill xtra sauce-seriously ppl! Anyways thankfully it wasn't touching the chicken.

So there you have it we came back yesterday and I felt horrible leaving mom but Jerry is doing so much better now so that is good. Wish they would give us a day or so off for when someone is so sick in your family but c'est la vie.

Onto day five~

Today is day 5 of the 21 day detox. I'm feeling great. My headaches are gone and my ring feels looser (could be in my head). This diet is really hard for me only because I guess I'm a fussy eater. There aren't much things on the list I enjoy eating.

The one good thing is that I'm not as interested in food now. Before when I had food in front of my I would eat it because it was there but now I eat a bit and then will push it away if I don't want more. I think this detox is really good for me to learn portion control. Now I know that no I can walk away from the food before my plate is empty.

I joined Good Life this week and so far I love it. On Wednesday I went to Body Pump and ran in to an old co-worker/friend I used to work with so that rocked especially since it was my first time going. The class was awesome but I haven't walked the same since. I'm like Bambi the first time standing-haha.

Tonight Cole is going in for overtime and I'm going to the gym (yes you read right) Imagine me going to a gym on a Friday night-haha. Then I'm making cakes for Kelly's fundraiser-they are having a silent auction.

Have a great weekend peeps. I'm not weighing myself til Monday to better see the detox for exactly one week.

This is the other painting that Cole did for Kelly's auction-its too pretty to give away. Man he is the total package-he's hot, considerate, does housework and is super talented. I'm a lucky girl~

Day 1 & 2 of 21 Day Detox Done~

Today is the 3rd day of my Detox and it cannot be worse than the first two days. The first day I mostly experienced heartburn and I didn't get a headache until around 7pm and I go to bed around 8-9pm anyways to wake up early for work.

The second day I had a headache the whole day and even contemplated leaving work to go home. I took pills but they didn't even take it away.

Today is so far so good but then again I just woke up-haha. I really miss my coffee and my sauces. I am a slave to sauces I guess.

I joined the Good Life gym on Monday and right now my ribs and stomach are so sore I could just die. So far so good with the gym too-haha.

Sandra felt really crappy yesterday too. Its really so surprising how your body gets affected by going off of "bad" things. I only drink one coffee a day but it must be a doozy.

Today I go to work, go to the gym and I can't wait to sleep. This detox isn't that exciting and I'm already dreading the weekend. I am excited that I can have corn though-yummy.

Please let this drop off a few pounds.

T Minus 1

Well tomorrow is it. I start my 21 day detox and join the gym. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I am. But totally in that happy-nervous way-the butterfly thingy.

Friday after work Sandra and I went to the Bulk Barn and Grocery store to stock up on some veggies, almonds, gluten free cereal, soy milk, etc. This detox is restricting as well as expensive.

I'm looking forward to the effects it will have on my body to go without some of the things that are a staple of my everyday life. Coffee is the thing I know 100% I will miss the most. Not only for the caffeine which of course will be missed and will show its side effects but mostly because of the ritual I have programmed with it.

Coffee is a beautiful color, smell, its so warm. I drink it first thing when I get to work when my co-worker friends and I are working and talking about what we did the evening before. I miss it already.

I know that it will be a big effect to give up red meat. Red meat is something I eat a lot. Its often cheaper than chicken and easy to prepare and goes in many dishes.

Sugar, chocolate and many of the carbs I'm used to will be a huge adjustment too. Even when counting points I can rely on some low point carbs to get me though.

Giving up cheese is another huge thing for me. I love it and eat it every single day-no fail. It would totally be one of my desert island food-no contest.

I have total faith that these changes will allow me to lose some weight. Joining a gym is always a scary thing for me and especially tomorrow since I'll be all by myself. I am excited about that though because I think I often used chatting with my friends as a way to avoid pushing myself too hard. I plan to get in there and sweat. I don't care what I look like to anyone but to me and Cole on our wedding day.

Weight loss, Detox and a gym membership

Hello everyone. I'm excited because I lost 1.5 pds. I am now 211.5 and pretty close to breaking into the 210's. I'm also excited because my friend Sandra and I have decided to do the Dr. Joshi 21 day Detox. I just heard about it on one of my favorite blogs Skinny Me.

Also on Monday I am joining the Good Life gym. Cole has been going there for months and I can get a family add on rate with him. I really need to kick it into gear with the exercise. Seemingly I will find any and every excuse possible. It really works out too cause we just found out that Cole has a day shift starting Sept 20 so we can go together. People I'm about to lose some weight I can feel it.

I'm getting really pumped. I can't believe that Cole will finally be off nights after 5 long years. He needs this so bad. Nights were starting to get really bad for him. He always tries to stay in good spirits but I know it was really getting him down.

So I decided on the Joshi Detox because unlike many detoxes or cleanses on this one you can actually eat and chew food, haha. I'm a little scared about giving up coffee but I gave up all soda 5 years ago July and after a week of the shakes I felt great-haha. I used to drink a lot of soda though and only drink one coffee a day so that should be good.

I'm interested to see if I will lose weight like this. I think it will be wonderful because when dieting I might have the right amount of points but they can use a tweaking-not all my points go to the healthiest things.

It will be challenging to do this detox now with the Frex coming, an exhibition that has all the rides and all the bad food. And next week is the fundraising for Kelly's surgery so there will be a ton of food and stuff but I'll just bring my own. I think I will do pretty good having someone doing this with me. Sandra is not big by no means but misery does love company-haha.

Wish me luck people. We are going to buy some stuff after work and she wants to start on Monday.
I'll try and write down what I'm feeling and post a lot during the three weeks.

Debt & Solutions~

Today is a super lazy day for me. I'm feeling under the weather. Its my tom and it sucks. I just got out of a hot bath but it didn't really seem to improve much-only made me really hot and uncomfortable-boo.



A couple of weeks ago I posted a blog called facing my past- here . It pretty much detailed how for years I was running from the financial mistakes I made in the past. So anyways we are putting in a proposal to pay it off and since its $15000 we are going to pay it off in full. The payments are $250 a month but Cole & I are going to do 2 overtime shifts a month each and pay $400 instead to pay it off more quickly.



It really is amazing how getting this all out in the open has been. I haven't stressed about it in weeks and it feels wonderful. For years I have blown this out of proportion in my head and maybe its even why I gained the majority of my weight.



Cole is an absolutely amazing man. He has never once said a thing against me having this debt. Its just okay honey what do we have to do and how can I help? Everyone should be so lucky to have a partner who truly loves them and wants to make their live easier. I said I could do 4 overtimes a month but he said no-we will do two each. We have decided that for the next couple of months we may do overtime every week to save up extra before our November vacation. We are going to New Hampshire for my wedding dress and he wants to save for a nice camera for the wedding.



I am in the process of applying to sell food at our Farmer's Market on Saturday mornings. I have always loved to bake and have a plan that for what I'm going to sell. It isn't this easy process that I thought it would be though. I guess the Department of Health has to approve of the food, the process, the area of preparation, etc. My plan is to prepare the food here so it will be determined whether or not they allow that since its an apartment.



We are getting ready to fund raise for Kelly's operation. They are having a silent auction, Bake sale, and a dance. Cole is donating two paintings. This is one of them. It is on an 11x14 canvas.

Cole is an amazing artist. He has sold his paintings in the past for up to $350. It takes him between 1-2 hrs to make a painting. I'll have to post more another day.

Have a great day everyone and my advice to anyone running from a problem is to address it asap. Its often way worse in our minds. Love all you~

Weigh in

I weighed in today and lost another pound. I'm happy with that cause I feel like I'm starting my period so maybe it really is a bit more.

Tonight we are going in for overtime so it will be even easier to eat well cause Friday nights can be hard.

Insight~

I just finished reading an amazing post from Katie J, you can find it here . It only occurred to me while reading her post that in all the years I've struggled with weight that I never even once thought to look up the definition for food addiction. Amazing.

Reading all about it really sheds light on some things. While I can't remember truly binging for many years now (since I was with my last boyfriend) I do have some of the characteristics listed.
- I have eaten when I was full
- I have eaten when I wasn't even hungry
- And the two biggest things for me is feeling quilt after eating and eating alone.

Eating alone or looking forward to eating alone is something I have struggled with for many, many years. I think it started 10 years ago when I was working crazy hours and in a long distance relationship. After working a long day or on my only day off I would shower, order a crazy amount of delivery and veg out with movies or tv.

This pattern became a real habit for me and I looked forward to it. It was ME time. I could finally relax. This problem escalated a year later when I moved to be with my long distance guy and figured out he wasn't the right guy. Only problem was I was financially trapped for many years and whenever I had a chance I would order in and eat alone.

I've gotten a lot better with this problem because now I am finally happy in my relationship and often get ME time, only now me time might be my walks, baths, crafts, cooking, etc.

The one main thing I have to work on is Sunday's. Sunday's can be a bummer because Cole has to sleep all day to work that night and I'm often bored and I notice I've been consuming way too many calories. I have a plan for this Sunday coming which involves exercise and making purses on my sewing machine.

The other problem - My need to feel guilt over food is one I struggle with often but I have managed to curb it some. Now I try and brush myself off and move on cause giving up isn't an option. One bad day shouldn't lead to move.

Thanks Katie for the inspiration-you are more important to me than you'll ever know.

Weight loss & Vitamins~

Just a quick post to say I lost 1 pd this week and that for the last two weeks I've been taking a multivitamin, vitamin d and omega 3 fish oils everyday. I rock~

Working out~

This week has been a good one for me. I've pretty much been watching my points and getting in some exercise.


Today I walked for 45 minutes and did a few exercises on my exercise ball that I found in my new Woman's Health magazine. Imagine having a body like that-wow-crazy. Do you ever wonder if women with super hot bodies realize it?

Kelly is in the process of getting everything prepared for her trip to Poland. We are going to help with the fundraising and I'm so excited for her-I pray everything works out for her and that she is able to walk again-that would be a miracle.

On another front remember a couple of weeks ago I brought up an issue of not getting things flowing through the system? Not being able to go so to speak. Well I am happy to say it is no longer a problem. I have 1/2 cup of fiber + bran flakes and 1/2 cup of fiber plus (both president's choice) and all systems are a go. It is really amazing how great I feel now.

I have loved summer to the fullest but I must say I'm sorta ready for it to be over. Not that I want winter but I do love fall and especially walking in the fall. Walking in the heat just about kills me.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I stayed the same this week. I'm getting really tired of not losing. This week I walked, a lot. A few days I ate more than I should and I don't know what it wrong with me.

Do I just not want it enough? Will I be happy as a fat bride? When faced with these questions I can just feel tears welling up so I know the answer.

I don't want to have a completely bummed out post so I want to let you know that my friend Kelly who has MS just found out that she is getting the surgery on her vein on Sept 28th. Many people who are having this surgery are now able to walk or are at least improving. So EXCITING!!!

Weigh in

I weighed in this morning and I lost 1 pd. Not too bad. Getting ready for work now so gotta jet.

Facing the past.

Today it is 31 degrees-its so freaking hot. I walked on my 15 min break and I was soaked when I got back to work. I wish I could work for a company that provides a gym but what can you do :(

I walked home but at least I had my air conditioner to look forward to. I've made a major accomplishment in my life last week: I finally faced my financial situation.

I made some bad financial decisions when I was 18 (ie student loans) and honestly I've been checked out ever since. In the last 5 years I've really taught myself how to handle my money, but I still didn't face my past. So I went to a financial advisor and it wasn't even as bad as I thought.

I pictured bankruptcy, complete embarrassment, etc but it turns out I found him easy to talk to and I will make payments and I will be able to pay it off way sooner than expected.

I sometimes wonder if a lot of my weight issues have to deal with my financial issues. I've stressed about this for so long that I can remember waking from a deep sleep and just trying to focus on something else. My moral is that your imagination is often way worst than reality so the best thing to do would be to face it and get it over with---it can suck big time but the weight that is off my shoulders is unimaginable.

Plain and simple

I'm very proud of myself this week. I've walked three days in a row so far. Being a person who constantly surrounds herself with all things weight loss ie. blogs, magazines, podcasts, etc I think I tend to get overwhelmed.

I'm constantly thinking I should be doing this or that and when I can't I lose focus and get discouraged. My new way of thinking is this-I'm going to walk, every day. Plain and simple, I'm going to walk every day.

A neighbour who used to live by me lost 100 pds in a year by following ww and going for an hour walk every evening. Maybe after a while I will incorporate more or need to jazz it up but for right now I want to actually plan for something I can and actually will do.

Yesterday I walked on my 15 min break at work, I walked home, takes me 15 mins and then in the afternoon I walked for 1 1/2 hr. It looked like it was going to rain and I was excited because I love the rain but right when I started my walk it got sunny and hot-boo-but I didn't turn back I just kept going :)

Tourist

Well I just weighed in and I stayed the same-I'll take it. After the weekend in Montreal I had I broke even. We ate what we wanted but we also walked-a lot.

Montreal is an amazing place. My only regret is that we didn't have more time to really explore it. We left home at 2am. We checked into our hotel around 10am and left to explore. Got back to our hotel around 3 or so-went for a swim and hung out. We were super tired from the long drive -8 hours-so we decided to just eat Tim's in our hotel room. Cole crashed and I watched 4 hours of DC cupcakes, Say yes to the dress and Cake Boss-I was in heaven.

This is the view from our hotel room. We had to change rooms three times by the way-we didn't like the hotel. It was clean and everything but the phone didn't work in the first room and the ac didn't work in the second. Wasn't good ac in the third but by that time we were exhausted from hauling our stuff back and forth-haha. The pool was also freezing-the kind where you cannot get used to it at all.

On Saturday morning we got up and Cole's grandparents came to meet us on the Metro. We didn't know the system so were a bit nervous. It was super easy. We went all the way to their Metro station and they took us around their home. Their home was beautiful and they showed us some stores and stuff but I was really nervous cause they seemed to want us to stay and we still had so much to see. We finally worked it all out and they took us for lunch and then back to the Metro. It was the best meal I ever ate-monte carlo potato-yummy.

We got back to our hotel and freshened up-had major swamp ass-haha. We went to the Basilica, the Botanical Gardens, Insectarium, Olympic Building, Biodome, everywhere.

Late on Saturday evening we came back to the hotel to shower and then dressed up and went down to the main strip with all the restaurants. We ate a roadside cafe and people watched. It was so much fun-they even had street performers.

We came back to our hotel and the city had fireworks-they were amazing.

The view from our hotel at night was really beautiful too.This is me dressed up for Saturday night. I didn't even try to straightened my hair because of the humidity and how curly it goes underneath.Now its a long weekend and we are going to Cole's mothers birthday party - sigh----
Help me make it through.
Update-we went to the party and the family acted normal for a change-haha-

A whole new goal~

Today I weighted in since we are leaving for Montreal super early (2am) in the morning. I lost 2.5 pds. It probably would be a bit more since in the morning you are supposed to be lighter but I'm stoked anyways.

This past week I've done a little soul searching. I'm really wondering about my lack of motivation when it comes to dieting/exercising, etc. I'm still doing my break time walks at work but other than that I haven't done much. This week I didn't have the time since I've been helping my friend Kelly. She has MS and I've been helping her get to appointments at the hospital (putting her scooter together, etc)

Anyways all this soul searching has lead to a big decision. I've decided to change my goal weight from 128 pds to 150. I think for me it gets really discouraging to have so far to go. It seems never ending and therefore, unattainable. Of course once I get to 150 if I still feel I need to lose more I will continue on.

I'm really happy with this decision. As of today that would mean 65.5 left to go and it would be a total of 95.6 when all is said and done.

We leave for Montreal in the morning and I can't wait to see and do everything-so excited-so loving the hotel website (looks beautiful)

Faced the music~

Well today was the day I decided to finally face the music. After not tracking for a whole month I gained 6 pds. I had thought it was going to be so much more so will I am disappointed in myself I am also relieved. I had myself convinced it was between 12-15 pds and I was so scared it was. My clothing was feeling tight and I just feel super bloated from way too much salt intake but I will work hard to get this back off, quickly.

So yesterday morning at 7am Kelly and Rodney picked us up and we were off to P.E.I-which is Prince Edward Island. This province has been beside me my whole life practically since I grew up in NF, went to school in NS and now live in NB-but I had never been there.

We went to Summerside, Cavendish, Kensington, etc, we had a blast. The only downfall is that we didn't get to go to Green Gables as it's not wheelchair accessible. More places have got to become wheelchair accessible-they are missing out on big time tourism.

Here is Cole & I outside the visitor center.Kelly & Rodney at a restaurant-great food and they even let us plug in Kelly's scooter for a battery charge.P.E.I is famous for Anne of Green Gables, it you haven't read the books or saw the movies you are missing out-Mom & I are obsessed with all things Anne-haha-Here is Cole being a super awesome sport to me-haha. So all in all this vacation was beyond awesome. I still have tons of pics to share later of it all. Hate to go back to work tomorrow but we are only working 4 days and then we are off to Montreal-very exciting again, hate that the concert was cancelled but we will definitely make the best of it.

Update-I'm pretty much dragging the wagon at this point~

Well here it is....my update. The truth of the matter is that I fell off the wagon. I haven't posted in weeks because I'm ashamed. My family came to visit me and I had the best intentions to follow my plan. I would eat good all week and all the walking would be my exercise.

What actually happened was I allowed myself to only get 3 hours of sleep a night while they were here since mom was staying with us and I have to get up at 3:30am and I only went to my room around 12am. This led to me being way over tired, feeling sick and eating bad.

My aunts stayed for one week and my mom for two. We did have a great time and once I got a bit caught up on sleep on my days off it was better. But right now I'm on vacation and I am afraid to get on the scale. I know its up and I know its a lot. I'm disappointed in myself and I'm also bummed that other people can let it slip for a couple of weeks and not gain as much as me.

Thanks to everyone who commented for all your concern I am so grateful-you are what kept me from reaching for that extra iced capp. Once I get the nerve to face the music I will post the damage :(

I can't wait to read every one's blogs and the only reason I haven't is because mom was staying in our room with the computer and its way to annoying trying to read them off my ipod touch. I so miss everyone.

We did a lot of things while the family was here-the market, shopping, casino, bingo, swimming, bbq's, visiting, kings landing, etc. I so wish my mother would come live here with us. Every time I visit mom or she visits me I get sleep deprived and feel crappy because I only get to see here once or twice a year and don't want to miss a moment, if she lived here I wouldn't have to.

We got on vacation this past Friday and we spent the weekend camping-it was so much fun for sure and we went to Kelly & Rodney's pool yesterday. Today we are babysitting my friends baby and then probably going to the pool. This coming Saturday we are going to P.E.I for the day. I have never been and I can't wait. I wish mom was still here-she would love it so much and she can't get her husband to do anything fun.

Anyways once again thanks for all the concern, I appreciate it so much girls-you rock~

The stressful weekend ends~

Well the weekend is drawing to a near. With mom arriving on Friday I am anxious for the week to speed along.


This past weekend was at first very stressful but it ended happily. We went in for overtime on Friday night to make some extra cash for when my family come. I usually have a nap on Friday but I was so nervous about visiting the in-laws that I couldn't calm down enough to sleep.


So I got off overtime at 3am on Sat and we slept about 4 hrs. We drove out to Cole's parents place and they were tense and stuff but we stayed 1 1/2 hrs. The conversation was just about everything going on in the family, etc. Then we left and we were almost home when I realised I forgot my purse there, bummer.


So we went to Kelly & Rodney's swimming and had a great time and then went out for Chinese with my friend Kim, this weekend we forgot out camera home, we are very forgetful.


We got home like 8pm and Cole's parents didn't even call to say my purse was there, he called to ask them if they would be coming in the next few days as they live 45 mins out of the city and she said I was just about to email you. They are really strange acting like they can't call or anything and then she wrote on Cole's facebook that she appreciated the visit. I told him that I have a feeling that she probably bad-mouthed me so much that she doesn't want to write on my wall because her friends will see it.


So there it is we tried, yet again, we will have to see how they act now-I have a feeling it will be same ole, same ole.


I don't know how I'm going to make it through this week waiting for mom to arrive, I'm too excited!!!

Thanks everyone for the comments on my last post-I never realised how many bowel experts I had right at my fingertips-I took some of your advice and things are getting a lot better.

The scale stayed the same.

Well I weighed in and I stayed the same again. So much for my big goal but at least I didn't gain. Here's the thing-not to get graphic but
most of my food seems to be still with me. I've eaten lots of fiber, veggies, drank tons of water but nothing is happening. This has always been a problem for me but now more than ever.

This has been my breakfast all week-Fruit, fiber one cereal and flax seeds. Something has got to give soon.

Tonight both Cole & I are working overtime and than tomorrow we are visiting his parents for fathers day-oh joy oh bliss. Wish us luck.

Have a great weekend peeps~

Tired, oh so tired.

My official vacation starts on July 9th and boy am I ready. I feel tired. So very tired. I'm tired of packing lunches, cooking suppers, wearing dress clothes, setting the alarm clock, hardly seeing Cole.

My mother and her sisters are coming to visit on the 25th of June and are they are all staying for a week, my mother may stay for a few days beyond that. I'm getting really excited to see them all.

Here is a pic of mom and myself in New Hampshire a couple of years ago-I have lost around 40lbs since that pic so that makes me feel good.

Speaking of being tired I just feel really tired with my "trying to lose weight" life. Its been 17 years and while I now feel this is more of a lifestyle change its still a hard thing to change in my mind.

I look around my office and I see woman of all sizes eating food with seemingly not thought. Woman coming back from the local coffee joint with muffins, donuts, whatever and I can honestly say that though in the past I may have eaten those things-it was always a huge thought of some sort and more than likely a negative one.

That's not to say that I wish I could eat like that all the time because, of course, I still want to be healthy but it would be nice not to have this voice over in my head every time I eat a bit.

Most of the blogs I am following regularly seem to have their act so together. Do any of you just feel tired like me?

The weekend went swimmingly~

Well this past weekend both Cole & I worked overtime on Friday night. Got off work at 3am, came home and slept 4 hours.

We got up and went to my friends flyball tournament. The dogs race this lane and have to bring back a ball, very competitive and Sandra's passion. She has four very well behaved dogs.

Cole & I went out to lunch at Harvey's I had a grilled Chicken burger on a whole wheat bun then we headed Kelly & Rodney's for a swim and a bbq.

This pic sorta reiterates my need to work on my stomach-its looks like I'm pregnant.Cole looking hot eating a Jos Louis.I'm pretending to be a poolgirlKelly & Rodney are such great friends, we were there for like 5 hours and we didn't stop laughing the whole time. I leave you now with pics of my nephew Ben and my niece Gabby-they don't get cuter than this.

This weAk in review!

I weighed myself tonight instead of tomorrow morning and it says I stayed the same. The morning would probably be lighter but I'm in a funk and wanted to get it over with. I'm supposed to be sleeping right now but I can't.Its crazy that this week is already almost over. This has been a hard week. I feel really tired. I didn't get much sleep over the weekend and was going to try and catch up on it Sunday but it didn't work so most of the week I just felt tired.

I like to come home from work and get in my workout in right away but I've been feeling like I had a dip in my blood sugar or something and had to stop twice-this is even after eating something before leaving work-really strange.

I'm still feeling tons of stress from this fight with the in-laws. They have made no contact other than her dropping in for 15 mins on Cole's birthday but now she is writing things on facebook again that we know are digs at us. Cole is seriously considering calling them and telling them he is done with the whole situation and he doesn't want anything to do with them.

I'm really torn because we have always been close to them and for one fight to explode like this is truly amazing. I guess I'm just in shock or something. I've never been one to enjoy conflict of any kind and this is tearing up my insides, just feel really queasy right now.

I told Cole that I always got the impression that they could cut people off really easily (like if they had disagreements with friends) but I never imagined it would be us, especially Cole. I just can't imagine how he would feel if they weren't at the wedding.

That is something else I am dealing with right now. We are pretty sure we are changing our travel agent. We didn't have anything major planned with the one we talked too yet but I sorta thought we would not really shop around. She got married in Dominican last year so I thought how perfect she can tell me a lot. To be honest, she hasn't.

We picked our first resort (that the parents stole) because of how classy it seemed and from the pics we were right. So anyways we settled on another one and she just came back this week with a high quote and said you can leave a deposit to hold it, no word about the wedding package, etc, anything, pertaining to what is included, etc. She also mentioned two other resorts that are nothing like what we want. I've asked her repeated questions about anything about her wedding that could help me, etc and got nothing.

So we sent our info to my cousin's best friend who's been a travel agent for close to 20 years and she seems really eager already. She told me our choice of resort was beautiful and they have awesome food. She wanted to know why we chose it and if we were open to others. I like that she seems to care what we want.

One good thing to come out of this week is that Cole surprised me with a new pair of workout pants. I had been using these old pair of yoga pants I got from old navy and they were too long so if I tried to run I would have to haul them up.

Its so strange but my dress pants I wear all the time our really baggy now so that I actually feel better in my workout clothes, haha. I'm already quite pleased with my rear view, its my stomach, inner thighs and my arms that need the most work now-any suggestions on the workouts you like the best are greatly appreciated!

Both Cole & I are going in for overtime tomorrow night so that makes it easier (yes, misery does love company) My friend Sandra from work is really into flyball (a sport for dogs) and they are having a tournament this weekend. I said I would drop down and they are having a bake sale so I made some choc chip cookie bars for her to make extra money.

Kelly emailed that they have the pool in this week so if its nice on Sat we will probably head over there for a couple of hours.

What type of things do you all do to get out of a funk? I so hate being down especially when it seems there is nothing I can do.

Moving in the right direction~

I lost 1 pound this week. I kinda expected more cause my wii thought I lost 3.1-haha. Regardless I am pleased because a loss is a loss after all. I'm going in for overtime tonight so that sucks the big one but Saturday we are going to find a place to swim and Sat night we are going to watch some movies so I'm excited for that.


Have a great weekend everyone~

Awesomeness~

This week has went by fast and its been a great one. A few weeks ago I wrote a post here that talked about how I am now viewing my dieting, exercise, etc as a lifetime change and honestly I've felt great ever since.

I don't know but it has all felt like something clicked. I feel happy in my own skin for the first time in such a long time. I find myself making more time for exercising and its just something natural now. I did great with my eating, even on the weekend, which has always posed problems for me. I guess I'm just proud. No matter what the scale says tomorrow morning I know I did myself proud.

This week two great things happened. I fit back into a pair of my dress pants that I haven't worn in years. In fact I remember the last time I wore them they were clinging so much to my thighs they looked too short-a really comfortable feeling I might add. Anyways now they are just right and even baggy in the legs.

And the other thing is that I can now fit into some of Cole's clothes. Here is a pic of me today before my walk wearing Cole's grey hoodie from American Eagle. I am truly excited and the smile is also because it is raining here and I'm a freak-I LOVE RAIN.Here is a pic of my current dream wedding dress-it changes often-hahaAlso I thought I would post a couple of hair styles I like so far - Which do you like the best?

A)B) C)In my last post I talked about wanting to set a big short term goal for myself and after putting much thought into it I decided to try to be under 200 by the end of June. This is a huge goal for me since it generally takes me a while to lose weight but I won't get discouraged if I don't so it can only help. Set any goals lately?

Inspiration~

Hello fellow bloggies. I can't believe its Wednesday already-how is that possible? This past weekend we had a real blast. Kelly & Rodney came for supper on Friday I made Spaghetti Pie, Caesar Salad, Garlic Bread and Apple Crisp with Ice Cream for dessert. I hadn't eaten hardly all day but I still only had a normal sized portion. So on Friday night we went to bed around 11pm and slept til 11am-so awesome. Then we ran a few errands and headed out to K&R's to try out the pool. It was super hot out but the pool was cold-didn't stop Cole from getting in. They are getting a heater this week so maybe I will get in soon, haha.

We had a barbecue with K&R, we brought hamburgers and hot dog and they had potatoes and pork chops so we sort of all ate whatever. I was proud of my portion then too. Usually on the weekends I tend to go way overboard but I felt this time I didn't.



On Sunday morning's Cole & I usually go for a walk so this time I surprised him and told him I wanted to run for 1 min and walk for 3. And I did it for around 30 mins then we walked. My legs still feel sore-haha.

In the last couple of weeks I've really been getting inspired by Cinci she is so super motivated and is really making me want to do this for once and for all. I'm thinking of setting a big small term goal to get me motivated but am really thinking about what it should be.

Anyone else thinking of a big small term goal?

A pound down~

Woo hoo-I lost a pound. So happy. Tonight I'm not doing overtime again and I'm so happy. I gave Cole his birthday present and he was really excited.

His Dad did leave a depressing sounding message on his birthday and later Cole called him back and asked him if he was going to come in for his birthday but his dad said he couldn't because its so hard with Adam.

What a freak. He hasn't spoken to his son in two months and he gets an invite and declines it-where are his priorities? We do get to read on facebook all about his father Wheeling and fishing with Cole's sister though so that is really nice. His mother squeezed out 15 mins on a break at work for him. These people are too much.

This evening we are having Kelly & Rodney over for supper. I'm making Spaghetti & Meatballs, Garlic Bread, Caesar Salad, & Apple Crisp. Not low fat but I'll be using my flex points. I love feeding people who appreciate it-it feels good.

Have a great weekend peeps~