Hauling butt-my butt~

Wow-I can't get over how long this week has been. I'm going to work on Friday to get some overtime pay for Christmas. I'm gonna see how I do and maybe do it the next couple of weeks so I'll have lots of cash for the outlet stores.

I just got back from my morning walk and I'm really proud of myself. I've been pushing myself to go for longer walks and to walk faster. In all my years of dieting I've never pushed myself in an athletic way.

I know that lots of people don't like The Biggest Loser because its dramatic weight loss and sort of unrealistic to regular people but I have to admit I'm addicted. I love watching the transformations and I usually pic someone who was my weight in the beginning and love seeing what they look like smaller.

Watching the show and reading different blogs has got me motivated for the future. Its really making me plan some goals. I'd love to run a 5k, go hiking, etc. These things couldn't have been further from my mind before but now they are starting to seem attainable.

One definite benefit to exercise is that I've never felt better, I'm actually getting up an hour or more before my alarm and I'm actually rested. I'm looking forward to my weigh in tomorrow-hopefully it'll show all the work I did this week.

Good for her!

I just got back from my morning walk, it is so cold here right now. I love walking in the cold, as a fat chick I love having the excuse to wear lots of layers.

Cole can't understand how much I hate to work out in front of people or for the matter how much I hate for people to even see me sweat. I don't think its strange at all. A few years ago we joined a gym and I worked out 4 times a week for 9 months with practically the same people every day and still hated it.

I can't imagine what it must be like to have body confidence, to not feel the need to use a throw pillow to cover up your stomach, to not have to pull down on shorts that climb up your thighs, to not make sure that your thighs don't make a sound while walking, to not step lightly out of fear of walking loudly, to not feel paranoid when on a Ferris wheel that they are working extra hard to balance your weight.

Cole says people will look at me exercising and think "good for her" but I really don't know, maybe they do, the real question probably should be "why do I give a rat's ass?"

No matter what I'm not giving up my walks, they are so good for my well being, I'm dreading snow and ice but I got a pair of trackers on the weekend so hopefully they will work. I'm sure my confidence will build in the next weeks, months, year as I continue on the journey~

Perfect isn't always the answer

Getting back into the groove after vacation is proving to be very hard for me. I don't really know why but I think it must be that I'm a self destructive person.

I knew I was going to gain weight while on vacation and I told myself-Its not the end of the world, its unrealistic to think you won't (from past experiences), you can knock the weight off quickly the next few weeks, etc. But then here I am disappointed in myself and feeling really tired of dieting.

Thank god for this blog and the other blogs I read cause I really think that is the only thing keeping me somewhat motivated to drink my water, eat well today and go for my walk tomorrow, that and my ww leader Ann who is awesome.

I have to get myself off this self-destructiveness where I feel I have to maintain a perfect journey or give up altogether. Obviously being 117 pds overweight at the start of my journey proves that I'm not perfect so I should know this by now.

Its really strange considering I'm the one telling friends how good they do and to not let a little set back slow them down, I just have to learn to be that friend for myself.

Maybe I'm a slow learner.

A while ago I read a study that proved that it took 3 weeks to form a habit. So I figured I would try this with exercising. Even at my heaviest weight, dare I even type it, 265 pds, I was the type of person who walked, slow but still I did.

That being said, in the past I never enjoyed exercise. I would come up with any excuse not to do it-headache, sore stomach, paper cut, whatever. Whenever I watch The Biggest Loser and they lost quite a lot of weight and have to carry it while they run a challenge I think its no wonder I hate exercise.

Anyways I thought that it would take me three weeks to form the habit of exercise, but you know what it really didn't-for me it took longer, more like 3 months. 3 months of walking 5-6 times a week and now I can honestly say it is a habit, and one I enjoy at that. I get home from work do the dishes and before I know it I am half way dressed in my exercise clothes before I even realise what I am doing. At any rate I'm just glad I didn't give up sooner than the three months because I have been sleeping so much better with the walking and the fresh air.