Weight Loss and a cake~

The detox is over. YAH! I weighed in and lost another pound. I was both happy and sad at the same time. I was happy because all week I could hardly bring myself to eat since all the food was so gross to me by then and I didn't feel like I was going to lose anything. Along the same line I was sad that I went all week eating hardly anything I liked, exercising and only losing 1 pound. My pic of the scale is getting worse because you can't see the 200 and the 2 at the same time. Guess I'll just have to go into the 190's to make it easier-haha. So hard to believe I'm getting so close to Onederland. Its scary though because I don't want to get my hopes up and start messing up this roll I've been on.

The gym is still awesome and I can't wait to get there today @ 4:30. What a change it is to actually enjoy exercise. I don't feel really big and heavy doing aerobics either-its so strange. You would think it would be one of the hardest exercises being overweight but I can keep up so I probably sell myself short and I probably can do a lot of other exercises too.

Kelly is now in Poland for her operation. She left on Friday and her operation is tomorrow. This past Tuesday I made her and Rodney this cake:
Its a four layer Walnut, Praline Cake with Homemade Cream Cheese Frosting with Chocolate Fudge Frosting in between the layers. Kelly & Rodney both have the biggest sweet tooth you could imagine-even worse than mine. Kelly called me 4 times on Tuesday night to talk about how much they loved it and her mom emailed me too. haha. I love feeding people who love food.

All weekend I watched Cupcake Wars and Unwrapped. It made me think more and more about someday opening a bakery. Maybe a Cupcake Bakery. Maybe someday when my financial situation is finally cleaned up.

Anyways I should be off. Today is the day I get to have coffee for the first time in 21 days. Sandra and I are having Subway for lunch too and then its back to Weight Watchers for me. 9 pounds in 3 weeks is great for me but if I do end up doing this detox again before the wedding I'm pretty sure I'll only do it for 2 weeks.

Weigh in~

Well everyone the verdict is in. I weighed in last night and gained 4.2 pds. Considering It had been a few weeks I didn't take it too bad. This week I will be tracking like a madwoman.

I'm not usually a person that feels the need to share tmi (too much information) but I feel the need right now-this isn't for the weak at heart.

Here goes : I planned to walk to my weight watcher meeting and for Cole to pick me up. I had received a book from a fellow blogger and was happily reading it on the couch while watching Sex and the City when I realized I had to leave. I was stressed about walking into this meeting late for the first time. I decided to take a short cut but of course the sidewalks weren't plowed. Once I made it to a very popular street with actual plowed sidewalks I noticed something tragic. In my haste to get ready I mustn't have secured the adhesive backing to my pad and now it was stuck to the skin on my bum. With my super thick gloves and the fact that there was after work traffic I couldn't do anything about it. This was not my lame economic at home attempt at a bikini wax-This was so much pain. Too much pain. So there you have it.

Anyways I really disliked the meeting. I know I am biased to Ann but I find this leader too much like a school teacher demanding answers from the crowd-it bugs me. I don't know if they offer any other meetings in the evening but I have to check it out.

So 4.2 is bad but I said to myself on the way down that as long as it was under 5pds I wouldn't be too upset. I think I gained the most of my fellow bloggers? Boo. I don't mind being a leader people but at this sucks-haha. Whats the most you've ever lost in a week? I need inspiration to what can be accomplished.

Its gonna be frightening~

When I got my day shift I thought I would have so much time on my hands. I planned to spend countless hours devoting myself to blogger, creating blogs, reading blogs, post witty comments on blogs, etc. My time still feels limited.

Cole does all the big chores, floors, bathrooms, groceries while I do the day to day chores like dishes, supper, etc. Today I guess I bit off a little more than I could chew. I walked home after work, worked out on the treadmill, did dishes, baked brownies for Cole, packed lunches, make a new recipe for supper, showered, did more dishes, cleaned the litter box, etc.

I have to start figuring out better ways to eat my points while doing the day shift. On nights I had it totally figured out but now I'm up way more hours and I find in the early afternoon once I'm done the treadmill I'll just cram food in my face-doesn't matter what. I'm disappointed in myself but I know what it is now-my points need to be figured out big time-STAT!!!

I'm going to use a huge chunk of my time this week to figure out some Weight Watcher recipes I'll be making on the weekend and write out my grocery list. When I get weighed this week its so going to be a rude awakening for me-No sense putting it off any longer-I'm a big girl (literally) I can take it.

Happiness in reflecting~

As the new year starts I think its important to reflect on the past year. While I lost 26 pounds this year I'm most excited about getting engaged.

Getting engaged at 32 wasn't my plan when I was younger I thought I would be married around 8 years by now with a few children. Its surprising how the way life flows tends to be for the best. At 32, for me, it finally feels right-the right man has my heart.

Coming into 2010 I'm excited about the changes I will make to improve my health. Every year Cole & I get a new ornament for the tree that has our picture in it from that year. I'm looking forward to the new pic I'll be putting in my 2010 ornament-a healthier version of me.

Too many years have past by with me only reflecting on the failures of my past year but this year I'm really proud of all I accomplished. Joining weight watchers, actually following it, losing 10% of my weight, exercising, not criticizing myself at every turn. This year I feel I finally learned to love myself more and maybe that is why I am finally losing weight-my body is reflecting the change my mind made.

So while millions of people will be making the resolution to lose weight this year I too will lose weight but it won't be a flash in the pan resolution but a lifetime change, one I already started in 2009.

Stressing out~

This week has been a stressful one. I don't know what is up but I'm really feeling anxious all the time. Usually the feeling of butterflies in your stomach can be fun but not when its in a bad way.

I'm feeling stress for many reasons:

1) My job usually gives us an extra day off with pay during the holidays and they don't know if they are doing it this year.

2) We don't get off work until 6:30am on Christmas Eve and are driving to New Hampshire (5 1/2- 6 1/2 hrs) and they don't think we can go into work a couple of hours earlier to help us out.

3) This is Cole's first Christmas away from home and I'm getting a bit of quilt from the in-laws

4) I want this to be an amazing Christmas for Cole

5) My niece is allergic to nuts and I'm stressed about what I can make, eat, etc.

Whew that felt good to unload, haha. I've managed to eat good the rest of the week and got on the treadmill a few times. I think it helped me get out some aggressions.

One really bright spot to my week has been the Christmas Card Exchange I am in on the Weight Watcher forums. I so love going to the mailbox everynight before work and getting nice cards. Usually with something inside like recipes or inspirational quotes.

In the cards I sent I cut out inspirational quotes from my Woman's World Magazines with Scrapbook Scissors. Nice quotes that can apply to weight loss.

In the magazine for this week they had two nail applications that I really want to try in the next week. One was CandyCane effect:

The other was like a french manicure but in red. So pretty.

Another bright spot is that Cole took a picture of me that I really like-haha-vain or what? Being with a camera addict can have its perks afterall :)

25pd award and 10%

Can you say excited? Today I went to my meeting and I lost 2.6pds. I got my 25lbs award and my 10%. You won't be able to wipe this smile off for a week-haha. It feels so good and so deserved, hell I sweat for this loss-no pain-no gain.

My fellow meeting members are so supportive and its going to be hard to change meetings in January, hopefully I'll figure a way to pop in from time to time.

Its so funny but since today I got my 25pd award and 10% all at the same time I was sort of worried that now everyone knows how much I weigh. Isn't that always the way you get something awesome and immediately try to ruin it for yourself.

I don't even care. This is me-I'm owning this, every step of the way. Its crazy that this has seemed like the hardest week for me but having some great bloggers post words of encouragement to me really proved helpful.

When I stepped on the scale and lost 2.6 I immediately felt like the weight came off, my pants felt lighter. Any of you experience that? So funny but so awesome.

I'm going in for overtime tonight so Cole is the house husband for today-packing lunches, making supper and doing the chores so tomorrow we can both enjoy some much needed downtime. We plan on watching some Christmas movies with the tree and lights on. So nice.

Have a great weekend-blogs are scarce on the weekend but I'll be looking forward to reading some :)

Good Week~

I weighed in today and lost another 1.2pds. I'll take it-haha. I like our meeting so much. Lots of helpful tips. While I was waiting for the meeting to start I looked through my book again to read the points value for various foods and its really important cause sometimes I make assumptions.

I seem to be surrounding myself with weight loss from the various blogs I read, my meeting, ww online, pod casts and its really helping. Building this little community around me is keeping me motivated. I told Cole that blogging might be the ticket that keeps me going this time.

Ann will always put a quote up on the board and this weeks was "You should fit your weight loss program into your life-not fit your life into your weight loss program" That is so true.

When I was in LA Weight Loss-I truly felt deprived and like I couldn't go anywhere or eat anything besides the things I had figured out already. They weighted me 3 times a week and we had to go over my journal-it was tedious.

I like Weight Watchers because I can eat anything as long as I track the points for it. This helps me make good decisions but I can still eat what I crave.

Sorry-don't want to sound like a commercial-haha. I'm going into work tonight for some overtime. Boo. I so love my downtime but tonight won't be so bad cause I can wear my jeans and I love my job~

Hope everyone had a good week. Hope to post tomorrow~

Perfect isn't always the answer

Getting back into the groove after vacation is proving to be very hard for me. I don't really know why but I think it must be that I'm a self destructive person.

I knew I was going to gain weight while on vacation and I told myself-Its not the end of the world, its unrealistic to think you won't (from past experiences), you can knock the weight off quickly the next few weeks, etc. But then here I am disappointed in myself and feeling really tired of dieting.

Thank god for this blog and the other blogs I read cause I really think that is the only thing keeping me somewhat motivated to drink my water, eat well today and go for my walk tomorrow, that and my ww leader Ann who is awesome.

I have to get myself off this self-destructiveness where I feel I have to maintain a perfect journey or give up altogether. Obviously being 117 pds overweight at the start of my journey proves that I'm not perfect so I should know this by now.

Its really strange considering I'm the one telling friends how good they do and to not let a little set back slow them down, I just have to learn to be that friend for myself.

Same goal-Different year~

The other night while trying to find something I came across an old diary. It was from April 2004. I had filled out about 20 pages of it and they were all about trying to lose weight. I had just started Weight Watchers (again).

In the diary I was really pumped by my early weight loss and had pasted in pics of various outfits from catalogs. It really got me to thinking about how long I have been dreaming of what my life can be, but never really actually living that life.

While on vacation this week in New Hampshire I kept looking at various outfits in stores and saying to my mother and Cole how I can't wait til I can wear them. It really made me realize that I have to do this now. I am 32, about to be married, ready to start a family, what the hell am I waiting for?

I don't want to pick up my Weight Watcher log book in a couple of years and still be at this weight. I want to be at my goal. Wearing the outfits I dream about, going on hikes with Cole like I dream about.

After my weigh in yesterday me and a couple of other women started chatting and a women has been a member on and off since she was 18 and now she is 62-she has been at her goal a long time.

She gave me advice that was really smart she said instead of trying to be perfect all at once to take it a little at a time. For example she said, each week take one item you buy all the time and read all the labels of the different brands, for the lowest points, lowest sodium, etc. If you do this for one item each week its not overwhelming and before long you have a whole cart of the best options and you don't even have to think about it. I am so doing this.

This week the weight watcher cookbooks were on for 50% off and I bought two!

The third pic is off my cat Pepper, whenever she hears the camera come on she comes running, isn't she the cutest?

I'm really excited to start making some good recipes from them, a friend of mine who is in ww said she made three things from them last week and they were delicious and her husband didn't even know it was low points, Cole wouldn't care either way he is super supportive and loves my cooking.

I'm not even back to work from this vacation and I'm already looking forward to having Christmas off. We are headed back to New Hampshire and my brother, his wife and my niece and nephew are all meeting us there. While talking to my niece, Gabby, on web cam she told me she want a blue present. Gabby is 2 and Ben is 3 months. I cannot wait to see them.

Can you see why? Such cuties~

What I gained on vacation.

After a week of being on vacation I got weighed today. I gained 2.4 pds. I knew I would gain. I didn't react in the way I would have in the past. I would have avoided the weight in and then avoided next week, etc, until I quit. Today I marched right in there and got weighed.

2.4 pds is not the end of the world and I don't want to be in the kind of situation where I can't enjoy myself on vacation. Not that vacation is centered around food but we did enjoy some of the restaurants we can't get in Canada.

I had such a great time chatting with my mother. I sucks to be so far away from her. Since I only get to see her once or twice a year I literally hardly sleep when I am visiting cause I don't want to miss out on a moment.

My mother is 5'0 and about 120-130 pds and has never really had to struggle with weight. When I told her that I was scared to get weighed she didn't understand. She said "Why? You didn't eat bad." She doesn't realize that eating at IHOP and having a few coolatta's is bad for me. She doesn't know the daily struggle of having to measure and think about every ounce of food you consume. I envy her.

Mom is really supportive-she bought me some weight watcher products. Here in Canada we can't get hardly any weight watcher products, I couldn't believe the ice creams in the freezer in the states, so yummy, such little point values.

Looking forward to my walk tomorrow-I am proud I only missed two walks. It is so surprising how much I missed them and how not being on my regular eating schedule has messed my whole system up. I'm also looking forward to catching up on some of the blog posts I missed while away.

Thank God for Don't Walk Symbols

It is my third day of vacation and I still haven't shaken my headache. The problem? I think I'm not getting enough water!!! Today I will definately focus on this. I can be so good at getting my water in while I am at work, I have to get more motivated to change my habits when I am on vacation.

Knowing that I would probably be going a bit over my points while on vacation has motivated me to walk a bigger area. Instead of my regular route I have went further down the hill by three roads and therefore when I am looping around I have to walk further up the hill to get home.

It is still chilly out but I definitely don't feel it. You would think it was July with the amount of sweat dripping off me while I am huffing and puffing up the hill. On a definite plus side, when it really is July I will have some more weight off and probably won't look like such a hot mess coming up the hill.

On another plus side-I think my shin splints are gone. I was having them for months and ppl on the weight watcher forums were saying maybe it was my sneakers. I'm hoping for new sneakers for Christmas so I didn't change them yet. But the splints are gone! Is it possible that I was just carrying too much weight on them? I know I am! haha but I wonder if that was the reason for them?

Another month bites the dust.

Got weighed on Friday-lost another 1.6pds. That is my new favorite number-three weeks this month that is what I lost, haha. This walking must be paying off. So for the month of Oct I lost a total of 6.8, not too bad if I do say so myself.
We had friends over for supper on Friday evening. I made Stuffed Chicken Breasts, Garlic Mashed Potatoes, Vegetables, Rolls and Double Chocolate Cheesecake for dessert, it was so good. Kelly, who we had to supper, is also in Weight Watcher but only has a little to lose, said how can you have these sweets around and still lose weight? And honestly this is one of the most successful times I have dieted and I think a big part in that is that I allow myself to have what I want on the weekends so its not going a long time missing out.
A woman at weight watchers just got her 25 pd sticker and she said to our leader, how many pts are in a coffee creamer cause now that I lost 25 pds I'm thinking of having one. She has lost 25 pds in a little bit of time by depriving herself. I have a coffee every night.
I want this to literally be a lifestyle change and I don't plan on going the rest of my life not having the foods I enjoy so I incorporate them in to my "diet".
Next Friday we start a week of Vacation-I cannot wait. We decided to go visit my mother in New Hampshire for a couple of nights so I will try and get some Weight Watcher Products we can't get here in Canada.

Skinny is the new annoying~

A friend of a friend is joining weight watchers. While most times I am like more the merrier, this time I am not. You see, this woman, whose name happens to begin with a B-which I relate to another word, is around 5'8 and weighs around 95 pounds. She was asked to leave ww before for being too far Under goal and is now coming back with a dr's note.
Cole says be the bigger person and just ignore it, but is it so wrong that while I may be physically bigger I don't plan on being emotionally bigger. She is loud and loves being the center of attention and I'm super bugged. My ww meetings are one of the few places I can truly be myself.
This summer we were all at our mutual friends house swimming and when I got out of the pool, in my bathing suit, she looked me up and down and said I have to go back to ww-yes people there are actually people out there like that, haha.
Maybe I'll send some anonymous orders of takeout to her place via delivery-yes people, I actually think like this. Only on a handful of occasions, like maybe just a few times an ............hour :o(

I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly.

In my weight watcher meeting yesterday the discussion topic was "making time for yourself". We had to write down how much time in a day did we need to focus on our weight loss and how much time we actually had.

So many of the women in my meetings are older with children, husbands, grandchildren, etc. They are always putting the needs of their families in front of their own. I don't. Honestly, I used to be that way in the past and it got me nowhere.

Don't get me wrong, its just me, my fiance and my cat here and I spoil them all the time but I have decided that I have to put myself first. My fiance and I were best friends for years before we started dating and we saw each other though bad relationships, we learned from them and are in an excellent place now.

I don't have trouble saying no to other people's requests when they conflict with me doing what is needed for me to lose weight and I reach out to my fiance for extra help all the time.

Sometimes in my ww meeting I just want to thump some woman in the heads, is that mean? MAKE YOURSELF IMPORTANT PEOPLE. Men cannot read your minds and if you ask them to do the dishes they will, they can be great.

A lady in my meeting is at least 80 and every week wants to be praised for practically starving herself. Her children threw her and her husband a 50th wedding anniversary and she spent 2 weeks talking about how she hated it and was only going to drink water at it. Drove me nuts. Please ppl if I am 80 and still trying to lose weight, just shoot me.

Flabby Fibbers

I just found out at work that I might be able to get a day shift (5-1:30pm). I have been waiting for this for four years-would rather 8-4 but what can you do? The thing is I love my weight watcher leader and her meeting is 8:30 on fridays. I will have to find another meeting I can love just the same.
What I like about Ann (my fearless leader) is that she is so honest about weight loss and her challenges. She has been at goal for the last 12 years but she still struggles with her love of sweets daily. In the past I ended up quitting weight loss programs because I would be sitting in a room with all these other women and the occasional man and we all have weight issues and we'd be discussing portion control or something and a women who is about 100 pounds over weight is like 3 ozs of chicken is so much I couldn't even eat it if I tried. WHAT? I find that hard to believe-I could probably de-bone a chicken in one sitting. What a strange thing to lie about.
Anyways I walked 6 times this week and even up this huge hill that you would have thought was everest by the way I sweat, my weigh in is tomorrow-yay.

Clothing- Uhhhhhhhh~

Today on my morning walk I heard a little girl about 7 or 8 describe to her friend these really cute pair of pants. "They have sequins and the color of them would go with so many different cute little shirts." I thought
to myself-When was the last time I was so excited about a piece of clothing? Had to be at least 16 years ago. You see, I gained weight-a lot of weight. I am now on a journey to lose that weight, through Weight Watchers. I can remember the first time I joined Weight Watchers. I was 16 and my high school prom was in a few months- I joined and I weighted 152.4, I can remember walking home crying and now frankly I would cry with happiness to get to that weight again.