A Loss-A Loss-A Loss!!!

Today I weighed myself as soon as I woke up and I lost 3pds. I started weighing myself on the scale in the fitness room and I think it reads a few pounds heavier because our regular scale, the wii and the scale at Cole's gym all give us lower weights but its okay cause as long as I use the same one every week then it will be accurate.

I am so freaking excited. Doing the online thing has definitely re-motivated me and it feels great. Just imagine this was only with me tracking for four days. I ate really bad on the weekend so imagine what I could do tracking 5-6 days. I'm going in for overtime tonight and then tomorrow night we have been invited with two other couples to go sleep at this camp/cabin and drink and play games-I will be saving all my flex points for this and I'm really excited to hang out with them it will be a blast.

Have a great weekend everyone~

A week with progress.

This past weekend I didn't work overtime. We had planned on having a great night of watching crime shows (snapped, cold case, etc) What did we do instead-mostly feel in and out of crappy sleep. It was bad.

On Saturday we went to Saint John to visit Kelly in the Hospital. I made her some cinnamon rolls (as requested) and I made Rodney a birthday cake. Check out my mad decorating skills below-haha. We had a great time and visited like 6 hours. I ate really badly all weekend but have been super on plan yesterday and today.

I had my last dentist appointment yesterday. It went horribly. I guess I had a filling from the 80's-90's that needed to be extracted. For some reason it wouldn't go right so I was in the chair for over an hour. It didn't really hurt but that doesn't matter to me-the whole process was a complete nightmare. Dentistry is something that would be in my version of hell-I hate it on a good day so I was a little shaken up by this. The inside of my cheek on that side is really sore and inflamed still-the bright side is that it is over and I only have my cleaning in 6 months to worry about.

I joined Weight Watchers online on Friday so I will weight myself on Friday mornings and hopefully the rest of the week will make up for my crazy weekend. I am really impressed with the online site so far. I don't really know what I was expecting but its super easy to use and I've already made a recipe from the tons they have on there. I made Baked Broccoli Macaroni and it makes 8 servings @ 5pts each. I had it last night on the side of Chicken Breast.The website has places to track the points, activity, etcAnd you can look up tons of recipes based on points, meals, etcHere is my desk with the remnant's from my afternoon snack, a orange. I have my index cards all ready to write down some more recipes. I have to slowly build up my ingredient list to have more variety-it can be so expensive to get things you don't usually use but once you get them they last a while.

I'm feeling really motivated now and yesterday and today I did my walk and got in all my water plus more than called for. Please oh please let me have a loss on Friday-I will post a pic of my scale either way :)

Bring on the funk

I feel like I have spent the entire week in a funk. Its that t-o-m for me and I guess I just feel sick and depressed. I've hardly exercised and I've eaten the wrong foods and mostly I've just been beating myself up inside.

Its 11 months til my wedding and I still have 89 pounds to goal. 89 is a lot better than the 117 I had to lose when I started and even if I ultimately don't get to that goal for the big day any weight loss should be something to be proud of.

I am proud of myself for not quitting this journey. I can't begin to tell you how many times over the last 17 years I started to lose weight and quit when the results weren't as fast as I anticipated.

A couple of girls from work are waiting to see how I like WW online and they may join too. I am starting on Friday. I hope I like it-I have a feeling it might be good for me since I will like to take more credit for my efforts-haha-self centered I know.

This Friday I'm not doing overtime for the first time in 6 weeks. I just feel drained and like Cole & I don't ever get to spend a lot of time together anymore. I can't wait to just be with him-he is so funny & awesome. We are going to Saint John to visit Kelly who is doing better from her operation-thank god.

Tomorrow after work a group of us girls are going to lunch to celebrate our friend who is leaving on maternity leave-she is due in two weeks, so exciting.

My Wii Fit age today was 23-ten years younger-haha-it also said I was down 1.1 pds-I'm going to weight myself in the basement here for ww online those scales seem more accurate :)

The weekend rant

Well this weekend wasn't too exciting. Thankfully Kelly's surgery went well on Friday. We were really nervous cause it was supposed to be a couple of hours but we still hadn't heard anything by 6pm. I called the Hospital to get some info and the nurse said they didn't have a patient by that name-talk about scary-then she finally figured out they did and she was nasty on the phone. Bedside manner? Not so much.

I went in for overtime on Friday and felt crappy all night-so hard when you get no sleep. Came home to catch some sleep and planned on visiting Kelly. She couldn't have visitors due to some bleeding so we just hung out at the mall for a bit.

Cole finally had it out with his mother on the phone Saturday. His sister was all up in his face on facebook and we were seriously tired of it so he wrote them an email they wrote back, he finally called. The verdict? We sorta forgave them but we know now they are sorta crazy. She would say something to Cole and when he would respond she would say I didn't say that. Its actually really scary.

We know our relationship with them will never be the same and I think we have come to terms with that. For years I would do, do, do for them and in the last 6 months or so I scaled back because it was getting to be unappreciated and it wasn't reciprocal. I don't give to get by no means but lets give you an example :

We were constantly bringing her up things I baked at work. If I made a pie we would bring up a couple of pieces for her and her co-workers with some Tim's coffee. She would thank me of course but then one week our car broke down so we had it in the shop and Cole called her at work one night and asked her to drop us off two coffees and he would pay her for them. She said yes. About 20 minutes after she was due he called her and she was already home-said she couldn't get the coffee cause she had no money.

This is constant with her. She will come to our place with coffee for herself and none for us. We really wouldn't care except when we go to her place she asks where the coffee is. It truly is a weird parent-child relationship. Whenever my mother and I are together she is constantly wanting to do for me, buy me things, etc but Cole's mother wants to be pampered all the time. For every occasion we will get the family member a present but I will also bake their favorite dessert or cookie and then I don't even get a call from any of them this year, even his sister who we weren't even fighting with.

On the phone she even said you never bring me things to work anymore-honestly people I can't really believe someone would have the nerve. She has NEVER brought us a thing-EVER-you would think she would not even bring it up. When she is on facebook talking about something she made Cole would joke around and say drop us off some and she never does, its really weird.

It did get a big weight off my chest though to have it somewhat resolved. We haven't spoken to his sister yet-she said a lot of hurtful, classless things on facebook and told Cole to have a nice life and now that he is sorta made up with his parents she writes on her wall-I wish you would call-life is too short-haha-not too short when you are calling us down to the dirt.

I am really happy that Cole is finally seeing his family for who they really are now. I saw things about them before but I didn't really realize how childish they were. We plan to still see them for occasions and stuff but we aren't doing for them anymore.

Mom called and said Jerry wanted to talk to me to apologize but I didn't want to hear it yet at least. She said he thinks its his pills and he is making an appointment with another Dr but I said its really weird that he always freaks at me and no one else if it is the pills. She said she isn't making excuses for him. I think she's just not quite ready to give up on him yet. We will have to see.

My aunt's and Mom, and maybe my brothers family are planning on coming here for a week in June. We have to work but it will still be fun. It will suck majorly for Cole who has to sleep days. I pray he gets a day shift sometime soon.

I think having my family visit with remotivate my diet-at least between now and than-haha.

Wii Workout

Today I decided to use my stress and had a killer workout on the Wii Fit. I set it up so that it would let me know once I reached 400 calories. For anyone who has used a Wii Fit you know that it feels like they do an underestimate-haha.

I'll be killing myself hula-hooping and its only like 13 calories. So now I am sore all over and I really feel like it worked me hard-even my eyelids were sweating.

I'm doing overtime again this weekend-can't complain cause I want the money but its getting old-haha-or maybe I am.

Going to Saint John to visit Kelly after her operation on Saturday-can't wait to see her-the surgery is tomorrow at 8am-please send your prayers.

I'm going to join the online version of ww next Friday morning-please know I am not weighing myself this week only for my own sanity-though the Wii gave me a hint and I didn't like it-haha.

Decisions.

Well I made a decision. I'm going to try the weight watcher online program. As you all know I've been joining and quitting ww since I was 16. 17 long years. I have never used the online method before. I currently just pay week to week.

My reasoning for trying the online method:

- Cost (currently pay $15 a week-online is $17.95 a month)

- Convenience (weigh at home, on my schedule)

- Haven't attended meetings in a while anyway.

- Location is now in grocery store-lots of temptation.

- Kelly has to take around 3 months off so perfect time to try this way.

I'm getting really excited about this now. I will post pics of my weigh in here on my blog so that I am still accountable in a way to you guys.

I have sorta been a wreck this week. I had the fight with my stepfather, we are still not speaking to the in-laws, I've gotten dentistry done yesterday, last Monday and next Monday is my last appointment, I'm on my period, and we just found out yesterday that Kelly has to have open-heart surgery on Friday. I've been eating (lots).

Its one of those times when you know you should be reading, exercising, having hot baths, anything to bury your head away from the stress but all you want to do is eat. I can't help it-this is me. For the longest time I haven't dealt in this way. When one thing happens I can go for a walk and let it go but when 5-6 things happen it feels like too much.

I'm really nervous and scared for Kelly. She has been through so much already. She was diagnosed with MS as 21 and now her heart. It is really unfair for one person to have to deal with so much. The recovery rate is so much longer for her because of her MS-I hope everything runs smoothly for her. They are moving her to a rehabilitation place here and I said I will walk there all the time-it will be a nice walk for me for sure.

Anyways I let myself have some cheese, crackers and chocolate today and I tried not to beat myself up too bad about it. I plan on joining online next Friday and will weigh in on Friday mornings before work.

Stress and weightgain~

Typically I'm not a person who has much stress in her life. I have a wonderful fiance who loves me dearly, I love my job, etc. Lately a few things have caused stress to me and I wonder how it all relates to weight loss.

First was the fight with the in-laws-getting boring to write about since there is still no new updates-we aren't speaking and its been over a month, and then there was yesterday.

You see 17 years ago my mother got remarried and moved to the states. I was 16. I moved in with my aunt and then later to college, etc. For the first few years I was resentful a bit and didn't speak to Mom a lot. There were a few issues but I was young and then I grew up.

So there might have been an incident or two with my stepfather getting up in my face but nothing too serious. I've only been able to see mom about once a year anyways since they live in the states.

So the summer before last Cole & I go to visit them and while we were all together in the car my sf freaks at Cole-over directions. Cole doesn't even fire back cause he loves me and didn't want to make it worst-I get into a heated argument with my sf and so does my mom. It was pretty tense but I think he apologized and we moved on.

We didn't get to visit much since then but at Christmas we go to their place and my sf makes a stab at Cole again-this time about Cole parking wrong in the driveway (yes he is a complete wacko I guess) he did it in front of Mom, my brother & his wife. Cole had parked a foot down from the rest of the cars. So my mother goes nuts on him outside and he later apologizes.

So then yesterday Mom & I are on the phone laughing so hard. We have a great relationship and Cole & I can make her laugh like nobody else. We let her know that we are going to Bangor next weekend with Kelly & Rodney and that it would be fun if they met us there for lunch and shopping-its a 3 hr drive from our place and 3 hrs from their place. She was getting all excited.

I also mentioned that when we went down in November for the week that maybe K&R would come down with us for the weekend if they didn't mind.

My sf was saying all this stuff in the back round like Bangor being too far away, to much traffic, etc and that they didn't want strangers staying in their house, etc. I forgot to point out that he is completely lazy and the idea of getting out of his own way disturbs him. I said never mind we will stay in a hotel and Mom got mad at him saying that if her own daughter can't feel comfortable in her house then she would move out.

I can't begin to tell you the feeling I get in my stomach during a confrontation. I feel like I haven't slept in a week and have drank 15 coffee. My stomach gets so jittery and I detest the feeling.

I was talking to Mom today and I guess said that I have always hated him and that I call and expect them to drop everything for me. Cause asking mom if she can meet me for lunch once in the whole time she has lived in the states is asking her to drop everything for me. He just wants it to be him and her everyday-her watching him smoke all day and not work. Mom is planning on making some life changes, we spoke today and I hope it all goes as planned-will talk more about that in the future.

I just feel rotten. I told mom today that even if he apologized that I won't accept it cause I know its not genuine. He hates me and I just don't feel like having him in my life. I said if she is still there in Nov that we would come up and stay in a hotel. I hate to put her in this boat but I can't keep pushing my feelings under the rug. I think she stayed this long because he wasn't like this when they first got together but I don't think he will change back.

Anyways I went for my walk this morning and am playing on the Wii in a bit. I'm gonna try to block out this stress as much as possible because I already have a big enough problem trying to lose weight I don't need anymore things stacked up against me.

Dieting for the weekend~

I lost 2.4pds~My Wii Fit weighed me at 4pds less so I was a tad disappointed. I really don't know what I need to do to lose really big. I was talking to Kelly and while I'm really excited to have a loss it does get frustrating.

The thing is I gave up all pop years ago. I eat only whole wheat bread, pasta, brown rice. I sit at my desk at work all week long eating baby carrots, grapes, honeydew, cucumbers. There is so much prep in the food I eat.

You would think with all this and all the exercise I did this week for a woman over 200 pds I could get a big number. I have never gotten a really big number.

People say don't worry about it-you are supposed to lose in a slow and steady manner but just once, only one time I would be so happy.

I don't expect to lose all my weight in a short time but it seems that I'll plateau every couple of pounds or so-I hardly ever have good losses two weeks in a row, etc.

I'm doing overtime again this weekend-saving for a wedding can be so boring-haha~

My week and some great websites.

This week is going pretty slow. I've been doing pretty awesome with eating and exercising this week. On Sunday Cole & I went for an hour and 1/2 long walk. Then in the afternoon my friend Madison came over and we walked for 3 hours. My whole body ached that night and the next day.

I've done a few workouts on the Wii Fit and walked twice more. Hopefully it will show up at my weigh in. We still haven't spoken to the in-laws so we had a pretty low key Easter. We went to Swiss Chalet on Sat and just had our leftovers later.

I bought Cole a bunch of sweets and he bought me a Choc bunny and magazines. My bunny is still only missing its ears so I think I'm doing pretty good-haha.

We plan on having our friends Kelly & Rodney over for supper on Friday to celebrate her birthday-I can't wait-they are so fun to hang out with and we'll end up playing the Wii for sure, so fun.

I've been listening to a new podcast called Nutrition Diva - I must say I'm quite impressed. The podcasts are short but very knowledgeable with facts about such topics as fiber, water, sodium, etc.

She also points out websites like My Pyramid - This site has a wealth of knowledge about dietary guidelines for individuals. Another great site she mentioned is Nutrition Data - really helps you learn how to read food labels and to really understand the importance of choosing certain foods over others.

Loving the Fit

After months of waiting we finally got our Wii Fit-the verdict-I love it. I knew I would. I got weighed on Thursday and stayed the same so I know I have to start kicking it into overdrive here.

My friend Madison (who lost 130 pds) is coming by tomorrow and we are going for a walk, can't wait. She is super into exercise so she will hopefully rub off on me.

I plan on doing my walks and doing the Wii Fit too so that should help since it is fun to do.

We still are not speaking to the in-laws. Cole's sister wrote him a email basically telling him off and they went back and forth a bit on msn but he can't get through to her. She never calls but will say we don't, she didn't even call for my birthday but when he brings it up she won't reply, etc. At the end of it she said have a nice life.

I really don't know what will happen with the whole situation cause they don't seem to think they did anything wrong but at least my stomach isn't upset all the time anymore.

We went out with friends last night and it was really nice and the weather here today was so beautiful-wish the outdoor pools were up and ready-oh well.

Have a Happy Easter~