Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Half the girl I used to be~

I was reading a great blog yesterday low fat kat and something she said really got me thinking. She said that since she has gained her weight that people say she lost her spark.

I can so identify with that. How is it possible that I am double the size but half the person I used to be? Thinking back to my teen years, when I was at a healthy weight, and comparing that girl to the person I am now is incredible. Not only is there the very obvious physical difference with the weight gain but my personality is so different.

People grow up, people change but how does a person who was once the life of the party become the person least likely to attend a party? When I think of all the things I allowed myself to miss out on because of my weight I get so angry at myself.

Even now with Christmas coming up and various Christmas parties on the horizon my first instinct is to decline. Cole's work group is having a party and while last year I declined-this year I am forcing myself to attend. Its not fair to him and its also not fair to me.

I have tons of people from high school on my facebook and I'm wondering if they are going to have a 15 year reunion next year (yes I am that old) It's my hope that by then I will have most of my weight off and start having some resemblance of the girl I used to be, not only on the outside but on the inside as well.


  1. "When I think of all the things I allowed myself to miss out on because of my weight I get so angry at myself."

    Yes, the high school reunions held every 5 years. I haven't attended mine in decades. Yes, "I'm that old." Graduated in 1973. I went to the first and second and then no more. In H.S. I was also the life of the party and the peach on the beach. We can't go back but we can go forward.

    Go to your husband's Christmas Party. Start living your dream life while you're working on it.

  2. Thank you for the mention! Slowly we're whittling down this exterior and finding "that girl" within us. Realizing that we're missing out on so much is giving us the fight to keep going. It's a hard thing to go from feeling sorry for myself to getting angry and wanting to fight to find myself again. We're not giving up and going dull - it's taking a lot of work, but we're getting our spark back!!

  3. Thanks for always relating What a Splurge-it means a lot. No problem Kat-thanks for the words of encouragement~