I never really thought of myself as an "Emotional Eater". I heard the saying tons and didn't really connect it to me, it sounded like a cop out. I figured I like food and have no self control, its that simple.
Then this week I decided to try something new. I'm trying to think about the reasons I gained the weight in the first place. I watch The Biggest Loser every week and watching Jillian break the contestants to the point where all their emotions come out makes me want to break.
My father died when I was 5 and my mother raised me by herself afterwards and while as a teenager I felt bigger than my friends I was, by no means, big. My mother remarried and moved to the states when I was 16 and my weight problems got worst.
Part of me wonders if this was the straw the broke the camels back but I really don't know since this was the first time I had a serious boyfriend and we ate a lot of crappy food together. I was about 30 pds overweight going into college.
While away at college I gained more. Than a few years later when I got into another serious relationship I was around 180 and our relationship was bad for me, really really bad and I came out of that relationship 6 years later @ around 260.
I know that deep down my mother harbours some guilt that by remarrying and moving away she somehow caused me to gain all this weight but I don't want her to feel that way.
I don't know if I'll ever really break, I am really good at pushing my feelings to the back of my head, classic case of denial, but then you can see my emotions in my extra pounds so what do I do? I am really going to try and address my emotions from now on. I think my blogging I have already asked myself some uncomfortable questions that I wouldn't have in the past, so that's a start. Do any of you know why you gained the extra weight in the first place?
There are many reasons - I think it's fairly complex for most of us. BUT if I had to choose ONE reason above the others: Food as reward.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how small a thing you can reward yourself for!
Food as a reward is a big one that I think often goes overlooked. I've done that plenty and when I'm thinking about what I will let myself have I berate myself for constantly thinking about food, a never ending cycle.
ReplyDelete