Feeling Sluggish~

I skipped my morning walk. I haven't felt good in the last 2 days. Getting healtier has really improved my health so much for the better but the last two days I think I have a bug-just a headache, ear thingy but it stinks-boo.

At work tonight during break I was productive and addressed my Christmas cards. I'm on the ww forums and we are having a card exchange so that is pretty fun.

This weekend we finally found a peanut free gingerbread house as my niece is allergic. I'm hoping to do all kinds of crafty things with her during Christmas.

My eating has been really good but I so hate missing a workout as I know I need it to lose the weight. Hopefully a little extra rest today and tomorrow I'll be back with avengence. Can't stress enough how much I cannot wait to be off nights.

Does anyone else already feel tired from the Holidays? haha-

Tis the Season~

On Friday I went to get weighed and only lost .8 of a pound. It can be frustrating to do everything right and not even make it to a whole pound but I know its in there somewhere just fighting to get out so I never lose heart anymore-like I said this bod will do what it will do-no point get discouraged its what it wants and I won't let it happen.


It turns out that with the American Thanksgiving we didn't have overtime at work this week due to having a little less volume. I was actually disappointed cause I wanted that cash for Xmas but what ya gonna do?


Cole's in the Kingswood gym here-I used to be too but quit to walk outside-just love the outdoors, keeps me more motivated. Anyways they had a Christmas Party for their members as an appreciation thing. Really nice. It had all kinds of bowling, laser tag, games, prizes, pizza, cake, etc.
Not the best pics and Cole even looks sad in his, haha~I wore my Beatles shirt that I haven't fit into in ages and put on some black nail polish-Looked a bit trendy for the first time in 12 years. Disappointing that I let my 20's go by being overweight-so many trends passed me by-Not my 30's though.


I hate to admit it but I actually like bowling shoes, I know I stand alone in this but I find them so cute. Not the best pic either but you get the idea :)

Anyways my friend who was supposed to be quitting ww ended up coming to the meeting on Friday. I was happy. She is also in the gym with Cole so they were at the party as well. She said she hates eating around me in case I judge her. I don't. I eat stuff too, especially on the weekends.

I had pizza and some cake. I was kinda surprised that for a gym's party they didn't provide any water (only pop-which I gave up over 4 years ago). I kinda thought they would have some veggie trays and stuff. There I go assuming stuff-never assume, go prepared.

Today I went for my morning walk and it was raining and so cold. When I came home we had sort of a lazy day and then in the late afternoon we had some Subway and went to the Christmas Parade. I worked at Subway for 4 years and I could eat it every day-love it so much. Here's a pic of me and Cole freezing our butts off at the Christmas Parade-it was so cold we didn't even stick around for the big guy.For a couple of months now I've been seeing advertisements for these mugs from Tim Horton's, only $3.99 and obviously reusable. So pretty, so green. I went to all the Tim's here and couldn't get one. I thought I was destined to walk this earth without one and then today I finally found one~ Yah.

Cole likes that its the little things that make me happy and so do I. Anyways I have to go get prepared for another week. Hopefully we'll have a lazy weekend next week with my overtime, on the 12th we have 3 parties and one of them we are hosting. So busy-but fun~

A little point.

Just a quick post before I head to work. Happy Thanksgiving to my American Friends and Family. Wish I were enjoying a delicious Turkey today.

I get weighed tomorrow and I can't wait-I don't weigh during the week so I don't get discouraged so I really have no idea, I did everything right but this bod will do what it will do, haha.

Its so surprising when I haul out my points finder and discover something is lower in points than I would have thought. The ham I put on my sandwich seems a little thick to me and its only 1pt. Yah. If I didn't know I would have at least though 2.

Stuff like that makes me happy :)

Sometimes Change is Good

Just got home from another work night. I cannot tell you all how excited I am to get the day shift. I start in January. What sucks is the fact that Cole will still be working nights, we are hoping something opens up for him soon.

Working nights while trying to lose weight is unbelievably hard. The preparing of healthy meals & snacks, and having to make sure to get good rest when your body is technically supposed to be awake, its a hassle.

We'd of course still have to do these things when working days but it seems different, haha. So many people that we work with are overweight and many are obese. It doesn't help that they have vending machines that actually take debit and credit cards, I only wish I were joking. Neither Cole nor I have purchased anything from them in over two years and even then it was gum.

Well folks I did something I never thought in a million years I would do. I wore out a pair of sneakers, from actual exercise. I'm getting a pair in December, hopefully for Christmas but if not I'll get a pair for myself, I can't wait.


Something else that is pretty exciting. Well I got engaged in July and the night Cole proposed I could hardly fit my ring on, in my defense we had did lots of walking that day doing touristy things, haha. Well guess what? It hardly fits me now-as in-too big. Its flopping all over the place. I'm going to get a ring sizer thingy cause I of course still want to lose more. So exciting. Well off I go in my sneaks for another walk, Cole's going to help me do some ab exercises when I get back, oh what joy, haha.

Superior Scribbler Award-My first bloggie.

My lovely friend Katie from Blog Katie J is on her way has bestowed me with the Superior Scribbler award. Its so amazing that people not only read my blog but actually like it too.

The Rules & Regulations are as follows:
Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass the award on to five most deserving bloggers
Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom s/he has received the award.
Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to The Scholastic Scribe, which explains the award.
Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr Linky List. That way, they'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honor.
Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Here are the 5 people that I think are Superior Scribblers too.
Tasha at Girl stuck in a rut
Joania at Joania's Weight Loss Journey
Fat Free at Fat(Free)Me
Enz at One of the 4 walls

Kat at Low-Fat Kat

There are so many wonderful blogs out there and these people inspire me to continue on and if you have not had a chance to read them I highly recommend you do so.

Getting my first bloggie has inspired me even more-stay tuned for some big results.

Surrounded

Do you ever find that you hear something and then seemingly everywhere you turn you hear it again. Its not quite deja vu, or a premonition, maybe its a true coincidence.

Either way lately like I've said before I have been surrounding myself with all things weight loss. Blogs, websites, books, magazines, shows, etc.

One of the topics that keeps coming up is Determination. Determination can be defined as :a fixed purpose or intention. This is something that was very lacking in my past attempts at weight loss.

I would be determined for a little while but then give up when I didn't get the desired results quickly. I didn't have realistic goals and that just set me up for failure.

I was listening to a podcast about weight loss and the pod caster said that people will often have the desire to lose weight but then after a while has passed and they are sitting in front of a piece of cake the cake seems like something more real than the future weight loss.

It really got me thinking cause in so many instances this has been true for me. I'll be going along great and then I would only have a small loss or whatever and the next thing I know I'm devouring something. It was like I said to myself oh well if you can't lose fast than why bother losing at all.

The mind is really such a tricky thing and that's why I am constantly surrounding myself, I have to work on the mind-I don't want this to be all for not, I want to change.

Disappointment

My friend that just started going to ww like two months ago is quitting til after the new year. I'm really disappointed, especially since we go together and it was fun. She said with all the Xmas parties and stuff but she was doing so well the last few weeks. We were going to motivate each other.

What a total bummer. Luckily for me I started this journey by myself and made it a point to not need anyone to help me get to my goal. When I walk-its by myself, I blog by myself, and prepare my meals by myself. In the past when I needed a partner to motivate me, I failed.

This is not to say that I won't miss having her at my meetings, I will. It sucks too that in January I have to find a new meeting since I'll be working morning.

Well off to work I go to start another work week. Have a great week to all my bloggies.

The Weekend~

This weekend was really short. Working overtime has the benefit of extra cash but unfortunately it doesn't leave time for much. I will be happy I did it though when I'm buying stuff at the outlet stores, haha.

This morning I went for my walk as usual and I'm so thankful we are still having such nice weather. The air is just a little crisp but it is so nice-even though I have trackers I'm still not looking forward to the snow-especially ice-I have such a fear of falling.

When I got up from my nap Cole made us some soup and made me a modified grill cheese-he made it on ww multi grain bread and it was really good.

Then we got busy doing some Christmas decorating. Last year I made goodies but I was so tired today that I didn't bother. We are going to my mom's house this Christmas and my brothers family are meeting us there. Our niece Gabby has a peanut allergy so we will have to modify our treats this time anyways and I haven't had time to figure it out.

So we put on some Christmas tunes and had some hot chocolate. (Caution-this was not low fat) haha.

We found it hard to get a nice pic since I was too lazy to do my hair-haha-luckily he loves me.

We always put on red and gold ornaments, ribbon, star, cranberries and some old ornaments from our childhoods. We get a new ornament for us every year.

Its hard to tell but we have ribbon and lights on tops of the cupboards-looks so pretty lite up that I'll do my dishes with the lights off and these on, really relaxing.
These kind of weekends are my favorite just me and Cole hanging out.

Support

I just had to write a small post to say that I'm going in for overtime tonight and I got up and went out to look and my fiance is in the kitchen making me supper, doing dishes, he has my lunch packed and he has the laundry on.

It is so amazing to have such a supportive partner.

I couldn't be taking such good care of myself without him~

He's not to bad to look at either-haha

Good Week~

I weighed in today and lost another 1.2pds. I'll take it-haha. I like our meeting so much. Lots of helpful tips. While I was waiting for the meeting to start I looked through my book again to read the points value for various foods and its really important cause sometimes I make assumptions.

I seem to be surrounding myself with weight loss from the various blogs I read, my meeting, ww online, pod casts and its really helping. Building this little community around me is keeping me motivated. I told Cole that blogging might be the ticket that keeps me going this time.

Ann will always put a quote up on the board and this weeks was "You should fit your weight loss program into your life-not fit your life into your weight loss program" That is so true.

When I was in LA Weight Loss-I truly felt deprived and like I couldn't go anywhere or eat anything besides the things I had figured out already. They weighted me 3 times a week and we had to go over my journal-it was tedious.

I like Weight Watchers because I can eat anything as long as I track the points for it. This helps me make good decisions but I can still eat what I crave.

Sorry-don't want to sound like a commercial-haha. I'm going into work tonight for some overtime. Boo. I so love my downtime but tonight won't be so bad cause I can wear my jeans and I love my job~

Hope everyone had a good week. Hope to post tomorrow~

Hauling butt-my butt~

Wow-I can't get over how long this week has been. I'm going to work on Friday to get some overtime pay for Christmas. I'm gonna see how I do and maybe do it the next couple of weeks so I'll have lots of cash for the outlet stores.

I just got back from my morning walk and I'm really proud of myself. I've been pushing myself to go for longer walks and to walk faster. In all my years of dieting I've never pushed myself in an athletic way.

I know that lots of people don't like The Biggest Loser because its dramatic weight loss and sort of unrealistic to regular people but I have to admit I'm addicted. I love watching the transformations and I usually pic someone who was my weight in the beginning and love seeing what they look like smaller.

Watching the show and reading different blogs has got me motivated for the future. Its really making me plan some goals. I'd love to run a 5k, go hiking, etc. These things couldn't have been further from my mind before but now they are starting to seem attainable.

One definite benefit to exercise is that I've never felt better, I'm actually getting up an hour or more before my alarm and I'm actually rested. I'm looking forward to my weigh in tomorrow-hopefully it'll show all the work I did this week.

Healthy girl~

I saw her again. You remember from my post this is me-now. My mini-me, my doppelganger, the version of me I wish to be in a years time.

She was walking up the hill the same time as me and she had a gym bag, she was actually walking to the gym for a workout. Can you even wrap your mind around walking to the gym and then working out?

I often have to stop myself from the unhealthy thinking of why would a skinny person walk to the gym and then work out? Ummm, don't help me I think I can get the answer on my own.... cause she's smart and doesn't want to end up with a weight problem...

Half the girl I used to be~

I was reading a great blog yesterday low fat kat and something she said really got me thinking. She said that since she has gained her weight that people say she lost her spark.

I can so identify with that. How is it possible that I am double the size but half the person I used to be? Thinking back to my teen years, when I was at a healthy weight, and comparing that girl to the person I am now is incredible. Not only is there the very obvious physical difference with the weight gain but my personality is so different.

People grow up, people change but how does a person who was once the life of the party become the person least likely to attend a party? When I think of all the things I allowed myself to miss out on because of my weight I get so angry at myself.

Even now with Christmas coming up and various Christmas parties on the horizon my first instinct is to decline. Cole's work group is having a party and while last year I declined-this year I am forcing myself to attend. Its not fair to him and its also not fair to me.

I have tons of people from high school on my facebook and I'm wondering if they are going to have a 15 year reunion next year (yes I am that old) It's my hope that by then I will have most of my weight off and start having some resemblance of the girl I used to be, not only on the outside but on the inside as well.

Good for her!

I just got back from my morning walk, it is so cold here right now. I love walking in the cold, as a fat chick I love having the excuse to wear lots of layers.

Cole can't understand how much I hate to work out in front of people or for the matter how much I hate for people to even see me sweat. I don't think its strange at all. A few years ago we joined a gym and I worked out 4 times a week for 9 months with practically the same people every day and still hated it.

I can't imagine what it must be like to have body confidence, to not feel the need to use a throw pillow to cover up your stomach, to not have to pull down on shorts that climb up your thighs, to not make sure that your thighs don't make a sound while walking, to not step lightly out of fear of walking loudly, to not feel paranoid when on a Ferris wheel that they are working extra hard to balance your weight.

Cole says people will look at me exercising and think "good for her" but I really don't know, maybe they do, the real question probably should be "why do I give a rat's ass?"

No matter what I'm not giving up my walks, they are so good for my well being, I'm dreading snow and ice but I got a pair of trackers on the weekend so hopefully they will work. I'm sure my confidence will build in the next weeks, months, year as I continue on the journey~

I'll just open an Emotional Eatery!~

I never really thought of myself as an "Emotional Eater". I heard the saying tons and didn't really connect it to me, it sounded like a cop out. I figured I like food and have no self control, its that simple.

Then this week I decided to try something new. I'm trying to think about the reasons I gained the weight in the first place. I watch The Biggest Loser every week and watching Jillian break the contestants to the point where all their emotions come out makes me want to break.

My father died when I was 5 and my mother raised me by herself afterwards and while as a teenager I felt bigger than my friends I was, by no means, big. My mother remarried and moved to the states when I was 16 and my weight problems got worst.

Part of me wonders if this was the straw the broke the camels back but I really don't know since this was the first time I had a serious boyfriend and we ate a lot of crappy food together. I was about 30 pds overweight going into college.

While away at college I gained more. Than a few years later when I got into another serious relationship I was around 180 and our relationship was bad for me, really really bad and I came out of that relationship 6 years later @ around 260.

I know that deep down my mother harbours some guilt that by remarrying and moving away she somehow caused me to gain all this weight but I don't want her to feel that way.

I don't know if I'll ever really break, I am really good at pushing my feelings to the back of my head, classic case of denial, but then you can see my emotions in my extra pounds so what do I do? I am really going to try and address my emotions from now on. I think my blogging I have already asked myself some uncomfortable questions that I wouldn't have in the past, so that's a start. Do any of you know why you gained the extra weight in the first place?

Perfect isn't always the answer

Getting back into the groove after vacation is proving to be very hard for me. I don't really know why but I think it must be that I'm a self destructive person.

I knew I was going to gain weight while on vacation and I told myself-Its not the end of the world, its unrealistic to think you won't (from past experiences), you can knock the weight off quickly the next few weeks, etc. But then here I am disappointed in myself and feeling really tired of dieting.

Thank god for this blog and the other blogs I read cause I really think that is the only thing keeping me somewhat motivated to drink my water, eat well today and go for my walk tomorrow, that and my ww leader Ann who is awesome.

I have to get myself off this self-destructiveness where I feel I have to maintain a perfect journey or give up altogether. Obviously being 117 pds overweight at the start of my journey proves that I'm not perfect so I should know this by now.

Its really strange considering I'm the one telling friends how good they do and to not let a little set back slow them down, I just have to learn to be that friend for myself.

Same goal-Different year~

The other night while trying to find something I came across an old diary. It was from April 2004. I had filled out about 20 pages of it and they were all about trying to lose weight. I had just started Weight Watchers (again).

In the diary I was really pumped by my early weight loss and had pasted in pics of various outfits from catalogs. It really got me to thinking about how long I have been dreaming of what my life can be, but never really actually living that life.

While on vacation this week in New Hampshire I kept looking at various outfits in stores and saying to my mother and Cole how I can't wait til I can wear them. It really made me realize that I have to do this now. I am 32, about to be married, ready to start a family, what the hell am I waiting for?

I don't want to pick up my Weight Watcher log book in a couple of years and still be at this weight. I want to be at my goal. Wearing the outfits I dream about, going on hikes with Cole like I dream about.

After my weigh in yesterday me and a couple of other women started chatting and a women has been a member on and off since she was 18 and now she is 62-she has been at her goal a long time.

She gave me advice that was really smart she said instead of trying to be perfect all at once to take it a little at a time. For example she said, each week take one item you buy all the time and read all the labels of the different brands, for the lowest points, lowest sodium, etc. If you do this for one item each week its not overwhelming and before long you have a whole cart of the best options and you don't even have to think about it. I am so doing this.

This week the weight watcher cookbooks were on for 50% off and I bought two!

The third pic is off my cat Pepper, whenever she hears the camera come on she comes running, isn't she the cutest?

I'm really excited to start making some good recipes from them, a friend of mine who is in ww said she made three things from them last week and they were delicious and her husband didn't even know it was low points, Cole wouldn't care either way he is super supportive and loves my cooking.

I'm not even back to work from this vacation and I'm already looking forward to having Christmas off. We are headed back to New Hampshire and my brother, his wife and my niece and nephew are all meeting us there. While talking to my niece, Gabby, on web cam she told me she want a blue present. Gabby is 2 and Ben is 3 months. I cannot wait to see them.

Can you see why? Such cuties~

What I gained on vacation.

After a week of being on vacation I got weighed today. I gained 2.4 pds. I knew I would gain. I didn't react in the way I would have in the past. I would have avoided the weight in and then avoided next week, etc, until I quit. Today I marched right in there and got weighed.

2.4 pds is not the end of the world and I don't want to be in the kind of situation where I can't enjoy myself on vacation. Not that vacation is centered around food but we did enjoy some of the restaurants we can't get in Canada.

I had such a great time chatting with my mother. I sucks to be so far away from her. Since I only get to see her once or twice a year I literally hardly sleep when I am visiting cause I don't want to miss out on a moment.

My mother is 5'0 and about 120-130 pds and has never really had to struggle with weight. When I told her that I was scared to get weighed she didn't understand. She said "Why? You didn't eat bad." She doesn't realize that eating at IHOP and having a few coolatta's is bad for me. She doesn't know the daily struggle of having to measure and think about every ounce of food you consume. I envy her.

Mom is really supportive-she bought me some weight watcher products. Here in Canada we can't get hardly any weight watcher products, I couldn't believe the ice creams in the freezer in the states, so yummy, such little point values.

Looking forward to my walk tomorrow-I am proud I only missed two walks. It is so surprising how much I missed them and how not being on my regular eating schedule has messed my whole system up. I'm also looking forward to catching up on some of the blog posts I missed while away.

Thank God for Don't Walk Symbols

It is my third day of vacation and I still haven't shaken my headache. The problem? I think I'm not getting enough water!!! Today I will definately focus on this. I can be so good at getting my water in while I am at work, I have to get more motivated to change my habits when I am on vacation.

Knowing that I would probably be going a bit over my points while on vacation has motivated me to walk a bigger area. Instead of my regular route I have went further down the hill by three roads and therefore when I am looping around I have to walk further up the hill to get home.

It is still chilly out but I definitely don't feel it. You would think it was July with the amount of sweat dripping off me while I am huffing and puffing up the hill. On a definite plus side, when it really is July I will have some more weight off and probably won't look like such a hot mess coming up the hill.

On another plus side-I think my shin splints are gone. I was having them for months and ppl on the weight watcher forums were saying maybe it was my sneakers. I'm hoping for new sneakers for Christmas so I didn't change them yet. But the splints are gone! Is it possible that I was just carrying too much weight on them? I know I am! haha but I wonder if that was the reason for them?

Vacation

I am officially on vacation. Guess what? I'm not feeling too hot. Leave it to me to get sick on vacation. Anyone who knows me knows that I love being off work. I love my job but you know whats even better, doing nothing.

I love everything about not having to work. Wearing pj's and fuzzy socks all the time, not having to prep lunches, napping whenever and wherever, doing any of the many hobbies I enjoy, reading, blogging, crafts and not to sound too old-jigsaw puzzles, haha.

I have had a headache for about 20 hours and counting and can't shake it. I guess its from trying to switch from a night schedule to day for vacation, it is totally bumming me out. I was a real trooper today and went for my walk and over to Cole's sister place to help her move into her new apt, but he just went back over and I am staying home. I have to try and shake whatever this is before we go to New Hampshire in a couple of days for a couple of days.

I'm looking forward to buying some WW food that I can't get here and hopefully finding some of the food items I see on Jen's blog-priorfatgirl check her out she is just awesome.

This weeks results

Just a quick post to say I lost 3 pds this week!!! I am overjoyed. Who would have known that actually following the weight watcher plan would work. You know as opposed to what I have been doing so long, paying for it and not following, haha.

Maybe I'm a slow learner.

A while ago I read a study that proved that it took 3 weeks to form a habit. So I figured I would try this with exercising. Even at my heaviest weight, dare I even type it, 265 pds, I was the type of person who walked, slow but still I did.

That being said, in the past I never enjoyed exercise. I would come up with any excuse not to do it-headache, sore stomach, paper cut, whatever. Whenever I watch The Biggest Loser and they lost quite a lot of weight and have to carry it while they run a challenge I think its no wonder I hate exercise.

Anyways I thought that it would take me three weeks to form the habit of exercise, but you know what it really didn't-for me it took longer, more like 3 months. 3 months of walking 5-6 times a week and now I can honestly say it is a habit, and one I enjoy at that. I get home from work do the dishes and before I know it I am half way dressed in my exercise clothes before I even realise what I am doing. At any rate I'm just glad I didn't give up sooner than the three months because I have been sleeping so much better with the walking and the fresh air.

Diets

I figured it was time to talk about all the past diets I have tried, lest I forget, and were to think about trying again. Ugh. I have been trying since I was about 16 to lose weight, back then 20 pds, this time 117.

The first one I ever tried was TOPS (Taking off pounds, sensibly), it was awesome that it only cost about $1 a week but I can't really remember a weight loss plan if there was one. We had this little chant we were supposed to do to, can you say embarrasting, I can still do it, "and even though my excess poundage is there for everyone to see how foolish I have been..." sad but true.

I tried the cabbage soup diet. Not much to go into since I lasted less than a week, man that stuff is so gross. The Atkins diet was more my speed but after reading an article of a guy getting the gout I decided I would rather my fat limbs than no limbs at all.

I tried a diet that ppl were passing around with all these rules, can't remember the name, but you could only have bananas and skim milk one day, strawberries the next, all that madness, couldn't do it. I tried the grapefruit diet but that only lasted about a day when I threw the grapefruit juice back up into the glass.

I tried slim fast and thought it went well until I was walking to my weigh in and must have looked like one of those tri-athlete's that deplete all their calories and can't make it over the finish line, my weigh in was about a 10 min walk from my apt and I could hardly make it there, after the weigh in I went to my aunts and had Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Of course I tried many more than written here but I don't even care to travel down that road anymore, these diets, in moderation, are probably good for some, but alas not for me.

Another month bites the dust.

Got weighed on Friday-lost another 1.6pds. That is my new favorite number-three weeks this month that is what I lost, haha. This walking must be paying off. So for the month of Oct I lost a total of 6.8, not too bad if I do say so myself.
We had friends over for supper on Friday evening. I made Stuffed Chicken Breasts, Garlic Mashed Potatoes, Vegetables, Rolls and Double Chocolate Cheesecake for dessert, it was so good. Kelly, who we had to supper, is also in Weight Watcher but only has a little to lose, said how can you have these sweets around and still lose weight? And honestly this is one of the most successful times I have dieted and I think a big part in that is that I allow myself to have what I want on the weekends so its not going a long time missing out.
A woman at weight watchers just got her 25 pd sticker and she said to our leader, how many pts are in a coffee creamer cause now that I lost 25 pds I'm thinking of having one. She has lost 25 pds in a little bit of time by depriving herself. I have a coffee every night.
I want this to literally be a lifestyle change and I don't plan on going the rest of my life not having the foods I enjoy so I incorporate them in to my "diet".
Next Friday we start a week of Vacation-I cannot wait. We decided to go visit my mother in New Hampshire for a couple of nights so I will try and get some Weight Watcher Products we can't get here in Canada.